Tampa to limit sale of Ford F-150s to stop number of assholes on the road

Tampa Ford – Hillsborough County – Monday 2.18.2019 In an effort to minimize the number of assholes on the road, Hillsborough County has set a cap to number of Ford F150s being sold. “We hope this initiative will help alleviate road congestion, and make it a little easier to merge on the highway,” says Tampa […]

Tampa to add Human Growth Hormone to water supply to promote citywide gains

Tampa Wastewater Treatment Center – Hillsborough County – Sunday 2.17.2019 Bob Buckhorn has announced today that the City of Tampa will begin the addition of Human Growth Hormone (HGH) to its public reservoir. “I believe this is a necessary step in order for us to transform our citizens from scrawny-ass pencil necks, into the muscle-bound…

Auditions Begin for Tampa Rays Annual “Manta Claus” Stingray Competition

Tropicana Field – St. Pete – Saturday, 2.16.2019 It’s only February, but that’s not too early for the Rays to begin their yearly “Manta-Claus” Stingray beauty pageant talent search. Every year, hundreds of fans compete to see whose stingray is the jolliest, and crown the Christmas Ambassador for the Rays. “I’m so excited, I think […]

Archeologist discover 1700s era road construction equipment

West Tampa – Hillsborough County – Friday 2.15.2019 Road work. It’s the pride and joy of the Tampa Bay Area; but how original is it? A recent archeological discovery by the University of Tampas own Dr. Anita BettaJobu, sheds new light to exactly how long construction has actually been going on. Discovered at a recent dig […]

City Council Officially Declares Tuesday as “Leg Day”

Crunch Fitness – Downtown Tampa – Thursday, 2.14.2019 Standing in front of the Crunch Fitness in Channelside, city council chairman, Juan Guiterrez holds a megaphone and attempts to gather a crowd. “Dear fellow citizens of Tampa!” The megaphone emits harsh feedback, the on-lookers jerk back. “As of today, all Tuesdays will officially be declared, ‘Leg […]

Tampa becomes first openly gay city

Gaybor District – Tampa, FL – Wednesday, 2/6/19 While many cities around the country refuse to come out of the closet, Tampa announced this week that they have known about being gay for many years now and will finally be happy accepting it and living a life with no regrets. “I’m tired of living my […]

Special Promotion Places Hard Rock Casino Slot Machines in Hospital Rooms

Tampa General Hospital – Hillsborough County – Wednesday, 2.13.2019 A uniquely different promotion is currently underway at Tampa General Hospital, as the Seminole Hard Rock Casino has sponsored the temporary placement of slot machines in hospital bedrooms. Patients will now have 24/7 access to slot machines from the touch of their hand. Large casino-grade machines…

Proposed Tampa streetcar expansion to bring more grind rails, skitch grips, scooter ropes

Co-CityWorks – Tampa Heights – Tuesday 2.12.2019 The Florida Department of Transportation (FDOT) unveiled its latest plans for the proposed expansion to the Tampa Streetcar today to a standing-room only crowd at a local co-work space. FDOT officials announced that the current 2.7 mile streetcar track, which zips passengers between Ybor City, Channelside and Downtown […]

Pope Cancels Trip to Tampa Citing “Lack of Prayer”

Vatican – Italy – Tuesday, 2.12.2019 The Pope was set to arrive in Tampa this Friday, however he suddenly cancelled the trip citing “lack of prayer.”  “They don’t pray enough,” said the pope as he finished washing a peasant’s feet. “There are many good people in Tampa. Many God-fearing, wholesome individuals in Tampa, yes.” He […]

Strawberry farmer sad to find out he planted beans instead

Plant City – Tampa – Monday, 2.11.2019 After a long brutal winter that decimated much of his yield in 2017, Plant City farmer Phillip Retchers vowed to make it up by planting the largest strawberry harvest he could. “I had to do everything I could to make up that loss,” says Retchers. “It wasn’t until a…