Local
Masturbation in public parks now legal for one hour per day
A new addendum has certified that masturbation in public parks is now legal for one hour per day, every day of the week. After a 6-3 vote by the Tampa Parks Authority, exposing sexual organs in public for self gratification is now legal from 8-9pm every night, as long as it’s within park limits. The…
Read MoreTampa police unveil new cum sniffing dog
The TPD have welcomed a new cum sniffing dog named Clyde to the force, who is the first of a new breed of a dog specifically raised to smell cum. “Sex criminals leave semen and usually it’s hard to find, but now not only can dogs sniff it out, but they can identify who’s semen…
Read MoreDunedin man suffers brain trauma over time change
Doug Beadle of Dunedin suffered a significant brain injury this morning, trying to understand Daylight Savings Time which ended early Sunday morning. “I was fine; in fact, I felt great after that extra hour of sleep last night,” he said from his bed at Mease Dunedin Hospital. He was sitting at his kitchen table at…
Read MoreUnmonitored drag strips in Tampa
If you live in Tampa you’ve thought about drag racing. These are the best strips to drag on which are the least monitored. RuPaul’s RuPaul’s Drag Race is one of the best places to drag race. It’s got lights and a sturdy stage, you will really like it. East 56th street and Montcler Lane This…
Read MoreSt. Pete man’s correct usage of current slang annoys granddaughter
16-year-old Megyn Morton of St. Petersburg finds herself in an almost constant state of aggravation because of her grandfather Henry “Hank” Morton’s accurate usage of currently relevant slang terminology. “About a month ago, my parents bought him an iPhone 13, which is newer than my iPhone 10, by the way,” she said. “The idea was…
Read MoreNew park opens in downtown Tampa
Tampa’s latest downtown park has opened at the corner of Morgan Street and Channelside Drive, across the street from Amalie Arena. “Communication Park” occupies approximately two square yards of greenspace near the new Water Street development district and is dominated by a large round metal sculpture titled ‘COMMUNICATION’. “We think the art sends a powerful…
Read MoreFamily learns about deceased patriarch from strip club marquee
The family of Tampa’s Larry Craper, husband, father, and grandfather, learned of his recent passing after seeing a remembrance message displayed on the digital marquee outside the 2001 Odyssey gentlemen’s club on Dale Mabry. “I just assumed he had left me. I didn’t know he was dead,” said his widow, Marlene Craper. “He’s done that…
Read MoreThe ocean gets cancelled
After an estimated 4.5 billion years of existence, the ocean is being cancelled on social media after a large group of people have continued to point out the atrocities the ocean has committed against humanity. The “Cancel the Ocean” movement has gained 65,000 digital signatures which means it has forced The White House to consider…
Read MoreRogue cop plays by his own rules
Andrea Warren of Tampa was recently pulled over and cited for an illegal u-turn by a police officer while sitting at a red light on north Dale Mabry at Waters Avenue. The officer, who identified himself as Captain Donny SeRantis with a law enforcement agency he refused to identify, said, “When you flagrantly violate traffic…
Read MoreCops find middle-aged white man so unhinged that he can’t have guns
Last Wednesday, Clearwater Police Department and the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office seized the guns of David Berry, who was seen on video being aggressive toward landscapers Jeremy Lee and his daughter while holding an AR-9 rifle earlier this month. On July 7, Berry confronted Mr. Lee and his daughter while they were trying to mow a…
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