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Woke uncle wrecks family’s Thanksgiving

Woke Uncle

Kenneth Childress of South Bend, Indiana, ruined his family’s Thanksgiving while visiting them in Tampa by sharing his extremely tolerant and socially aware opinions during the traditional holiday meal. “Uncle Kenneth is always a handful. He just can’t help himself,” said Carl Childress, who works hard all year to keep a roof over this family’s…

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Tampa News Force fires marketing professional

Joe Blanc, a marketing expert under contract by Tampa News Force (TNF) to promote Sunday’s TNF 2000th Article Celebration / Free Beer Estate Sale Costume Contest has been relieved of his duties effective immediately. “We hired Joe to spin a sign to draw some visibility to the event, you know, really flamboyant, elaborate dance routines…

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Pastor Randy White turned away from event at Armature Works

Randy White at Armature Works

Last night at the Armature Works complex just north of downtown Tampa, the America First Policy Institute hosted a “Women’s Initiative” event, featuring appearances by Pam Bondi, Kellyanne Conway, Dr. Alveda King, Linda McMahon, Brooke L. Rollins, Carla Sands and Pastor Paula White-Cain. Local megachurch pastor and White-Cain’s ex-husband Randy White was denied access. “Baby,…

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Giant rat that looks like Tucker Carlson born at Busch Gardens

Tucker Rat

Officials at Busch Gardens in Tampa have announced that a giant rat that looks like Fox News pundit Tucker Carlson was born recently at the theme park/zoological attraction’s nursery. “We noticed there was something seriously wrong with the hideous mutation almost immediately, but it was made apparent when the creature’s own mother rejected it,” said…

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Archeologists unearth first Tampa News Force article

First Article

On the eve of Tampa News Force (TNF) publishing their 2000th article, archaeologists from the University of South Florida (USF) announced an incredible discovery, the very first article published by TNF over 700 years ago. Long thought to have been lost or destroyed, the article was posted on April 1st, 1506 and is attributed to…

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Tampa Bay lawyers eager to help Tom and Gisele

Hurray Lawyers

Local personal injury attorneys are ready and able to assist Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady and his soon-to-be ex-wife Gisele Bündchen as they begin preliminary steps to dissolve their marriage. “Now is the time to come to the aid of people who so desperately need it,” said John Morgan. “Of course I’m talking about…

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Tampa News Force acquires this thing

Dome

Yesterday, at an online auction intended to liquidate the asset inventory of the recently closed Tampa Grand Prix family fun center, we bought the geodesic dome structure shown in the photo accompanying this article. Also this photo: “After we failed in our bid to purchase the old, used parade float from Tampa’s Bonney-Read Krewe, we…

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Sting operation fails to catch giant African snails

Giant African Snail

An undercover sting operation designed to apprehend giant African snails who have recently invaded Pasco County has been called off due to a failure to catch any suspects Sheriff Chris Nocco announced yesterday. “They may be slow-moving but they’re slippery and slimy,” he said. “We baited them with the sexiest underage pornography we could find,…

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Tampa Bay Area babies developing taste for human flesh

Babies

As the nationwide shortage of baby formula continues to be a crisis, babies in the Tampa Bay Area are taking things into their own hands and mouths. 8-month-old Joshua Butterpenny of Tampa recently said, “Goo goo ga ga. Gleep (fart),” which translates in Adult-with-fully-formed-brain English to “We’re hungry and if you’re not going to take…

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Kyle Rittenhouse will enroll at Hillsborough Community College

Kyle at HCC

Kenosha protester shooter and acquitted murder suspect Kyle Rittenhouse Tweeted last week that he’d be attending Blinn College after contradicting claims emerged over whether he would be attending Texas A&M University this year. However, a representative for Texas A&M told news outlets that Rittenhouse wasn’t enrolled for the coming fall and summer semesters. That was…

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