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Tampa woman will name baby after father

MacDinton's

Sandy Callahan of Tampa recently found out that she’s pregnant and the only plan she’s made so far is to name the child after its father. “They traced it back and apparently I got pregnant on January 28th, which was Gasparilla, which I think makes sense,” she said. “It’s not like I remember all the…

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Assparilla butt parade is an instant hit

The inaugural “Assparilla” butt parade made it’s debut this year on Gasparilla, to a fevered reception, drawing praise from all of Tampa. “It’s the best idea the city has had since Busch Gardens opened!” Said Bernard Mopkins, who was in attendance. “It was just a never-ending train of ladies with large butts tossing butt-shaped bead…

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Tampa woman accused of being fun at parties

Safety advocate

Following an exchange between young women in Tampa regarding Gasparilla activities, a local life coach is the victim of a slanderous accusation. A group of six to eight University of Tampa students was excitedly sharing intended plans to drink copious amounts of alcoholic beverages and engage in indiscriminate sexual activity with strangers during today’s annual…

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Governor DeSantis sends National Guard to Gasparilla

DeSantis National Guard

This morning, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis ordered The National Guard to the Gasparilla Festival in Tampa, citing that the foreign invaders pose a national security risk. “We don’t negotiate with terrorists,” DeSantis said while ordering the National Guard to dig a moat around the Governors Mansion. Although critics of the DeSantis Administration were quick to…

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Yacht snob falls overboard, delighting Gasparilla crowd

Yacht Snob

A strong gust of winter wind caused some rich douche probably named Thad or Bryce or something like that to fall off his yacht into the unseasonably cold and murky waters of Tampa Bay yesterday during the annual Gasparilla pirate celebration, to the sheer utter joy of witnesses gathered along Bayshore Blvd. to watch the…

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Quiz: What should you do for Gasparilla?

Gasparilla

After a brief hiatus due to COVID, Gasparilla is back! On Saturday, January 29th, just less than two weeks from now, a huge crowd will gather along Bayshore Boulevard as bead-throwing, rum-swigging pirates invade Tampa. Now is the time to start making your plans and the first thing you need to do is decide if…

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Gasparilla cancelled for first time not due to war or racism: pissed-off Tampa Bay citizens speak out

Gasparilla cancelled

Ye Mystic Krewe of Gasparilla announced this morning that this year’s Gasparilla parades, that had previously been postponed until April, have been cancelled. “Only a handful of times did our daring pirate invaders decide to spare the city from invasion due to unprecedented world events. This year, our pirates are making a similar decision to…

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Special Gasparilla event scheduled

Inspired by New Orleans residents who have taken to decorating their homes like parade floats since traditional annual Mardi Gras festivities aren’t taking place, the City of Tampa is creating a special event to fill the void created by the postponement of Gasparilla. “Let’s face it; Gasparilla holds a special place in so many people’s…

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