Posts by Chris Coon
TNF Horoscopes from Tampa Bay’s #7 Astrologer Chris Coon. Week of August 1
Aries Hey Aries, Damn, your whole fuckin’ shit is in retrograde, dude. Fuck. Sorry man. Taurus Good news! They found the cure for acid reflux—a deep and friend-alienating love of our Dear Lord Jesus Christ who Died For Our Sins. You’ll lose a lot of friends and decorate your apartment in a really annoying way.…
Read MoreTop Eleven quotations of Hindu scripture by J. Robert Oppenheimer that aren’t nuclear! #9 will shock you!!
“I am Become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” – J. Robert Oppenheimer famously said this after a weird day at work. We all know J Robert Oppenheimer loved to quote Hindu scripture whenever he doomed the world to its own permanent nuclear hostage situation, but what you don’t know, is that that goofy scientist was…
Read MoreTNF Horoscopes from Tampa Bay’s #6 Astrologer Chris Coon. Week of June 14
Aries Hey Aries, what’s up! Oh man looks like you’re still gonna be despondent all month but I cannot for the life of me figure out why. There’s something on the tip of my tongue tho. It’s almost like forgetting something at the grocery store y’know? Golly gee I’m close to it. Anyway circle back…
Read MoreTNF Horoscopes from Tampa Bay’s #4 Astrologer Chris Coon. Week of May 18
Aries Based on my assessment of the stars here, hold on let me look at Pluto, ok still in the same house, ok, um hmm… no just one sec…. ah yes! Your future soulmate just died. Oh, ouch I’m sorry, dude. Uhhh hold on, stay tuned though, I feel bad. I’ll try to find you…
Read MoreTNF Horoscopes from Tampa Bay’s #4 Astrologer Chris Coon. Week of April 11
Aries This month, Seriously, SERIOUSLY, keep your fetishes to yourself. Not gonna happen. Taurus AIDS. Gemini This month, you’re going to either slip a disc at your job, but be denied disability, or get a killer beej. One of the two. Cancer The best part of your upcoming month will be the $28 you find…
Read MoreTNF Highlights Hillsborough High “Coral Reef Club”
“Club of the Month” There are many high schools throughout The Tampa Bay Area and we at Tampa News Force are starting a recurring segment to get to know them better: “Club Of The Month.” We are starting with Hillsborough High School and we have decided to select one of the many student-run organizations at…
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