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Tampa Officials Blame Elevated Party Levels on Influx of Douchebags

Douchebags

Tampa’s party scene has exploded tremendously since the beginning of the Covid-19 pandemic and scientist think they have figured out why. “Our fastest growing demographic in this city includes young men with access to their parents money,” said USF Professor of Urban Sociology, Dr. Wyatt Nhao. “These men lack critical thinking skills and are generally…

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All of Tampa is Now Spice World

Spice World

During a press conference today, Mayor Jane Castor announced a new partnership with the 90s pop group Spice Girls to officially license the name Spice World. “This has been on my agenda since the first day I was sworn in as mayor,” Castor told reporters.  “Tampa has a lot of people smoking spice, and it’s…

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Big Cat Rescue to House Joe Burrow During Off-Season

Joe Burrow at Big Cat Rescue

After losing the Super Bowl, Cincinnati Bengals quarterback, Joe Burrow, has decided to spend the offseason getting in touch with his roots. “Did you know that less than 2,000 Bengal tigers exist in the wild?” Asked Burrow from inside the animal enclosure at Big Cat Rescue in Tampa, FL. “Next year, if I don’t win…

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Florida Loses Password to Emergency Rental Funds Account

Lost Password

The Florida government announced today that they have been locked out of the account holding over $700 million for the state’s rental assistance program. “I tried the password that was on the sticky note by the computer, but I guess I put it in wrong a couple times because it locked me out,” said Max…

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Dr. Strange and the Multiverse of Madness to Feature Drake Bell’s Dragonfly Character from Superhero Movie

Drake Bell to Cameo in Dr Strange and the Multiverse of Madness

Disney+ Sponsored Marvel Studios Productions is reportedly bringing in some deep cuts for its upcoming multiversal-centric film. Latest leaks from the set of ‘Dr. Strange and the Multiverse of Madness’ reveal some surprise cameos from the classic 2008 American superhero spoof comedy film ‘Superhero Movie’. Unannounced reshoots on location in Tampa Bay were photographed by…

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Top Date Nights in Tampa

Top Date Night Ideas in Tampa Bay

5. Explore the Hillsborough River Boasting over 60 miles of explorable waterways running through Tampas most desirable neighborhoods, exploring the Hillsborough river is one of the best things couples can do for fun outside the bedroom in this city. From walking along the world famous Riverwalk, to a stand-up paddle board session or a deep…

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Ybor City to Become 55+ Only Community

Ybor 55

After the passage of a recent noise ordinance, Ybor City Historic Neighborhood Society announced it will begin requiring age verification to enter any business establishment in the district. “We are catering to the folks with money,” said YCHNS President Howard Milonaise. “I moved to this neighborhood five years ago and I love the culture, but…

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Tampa Police Announce Gasparilla 2022 Will be 100% Crime Free

NoCrimeYbor

The Tampa Police Department announced today that this year’s Gasparilla invasion will be absolutely free of all crimes. An estimated 418,344 people are expected to descend upon Bayshore Boulevard for a day of debauchery and pillaging. “Our officers are more than prepared to control that,” said Tampa Police Chief Debby Littles. “Thanks to recent advancements…

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Tampa to Close Ybor City at 10 PM

Noisy Ybor

To help new wealthy residents get eight hours of sleep, the Tampa Government announced it will shut down its notorious party district at 10 PM every night. “I love the culture of Ybor City,” said Sharron Nellie, pronouncing Ybor as ‘Why-bor’, “The only thing I don’t like is that it’s just so noisy after 10…

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How to Get Hot Chicks in Tampa to Notice You

Hot Chicks in Tampa and How to Like Them

5. Wear a Funny T-Shirt Our ‘Welcome to Grampa Bay shirt’ is the coolest thing you can wear in front of ladies.  It will impress them with your epic taste, and it will let them know that you have a great sense of humor. 4. Work Out Studies show that if you look healthy, more…

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