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St. Pete men cashing in on baby formula shortage

Milk Pimps

With the nation facing a critical shortage of baby formula, two men in St. Petersburg are offering what they claim is an adequate, temporary substitute. “Yeah, we can hook you up, young moms and dads but especially moms, said Sonny Jennings. “We are the milk pimps.” Jennings said that he and his partner have developed…

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Grown Man Riding Hoverboard Offering Unsolicited Business Advice

Hoverboarder

While touring around his new neighborhood, northern transplant Trevor Plumb decided to offer nearby business owners tips to make things more accommodating for him. “I almost didn’t come in here,” said Plumb who decided to enter a coffee shop without getting off of his children’s toy commonly referred to as a hoverboard. “Yeah, that sign…

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Tampa Opens Paddleboard Hunting Range

Paddle Boarders

A new business venture is hoping to combine the thrill of hunting wildlife with the serenity of paddleboarding. Kill Paddle Kill is Florida’s first attraction of its kind. “We have too many things that need killing on the Hillsborough River,” said owner and manager of Kill Paddle Kill, Mike Openhager. “We were originally a paddleboarding…

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An incredible, $pecial opportunity for Mr. Elon Musk

Elon Musk

Dear Mr. Elon Musk, Hi. How are you? We are Tampa News Force and we have been following recent news reports that you are interested in purchasing Twitter for $43,000,000,000.00. We think that’s a fantastic idea! The only thing better than being prolific on a popular social media platform is owning a popular social media…

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Mentally challenged CEO makes expensive mistake

Dumb Exec

Bourbon Grandelson, CEO and co-founder of Newton’s Bulges, a company which increases the size of a mans bulge in his pants through a plastic shield technology, has committed a costly accident after accidentally ordering 15,000 units of a bulge model made from the wrong material. “I was supposed to order the standard molten plastic with…

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St. Pete woman convinced she has direct influence on local economy

Economy

Denise Bazugas of St. Petersburg firmly believes that her spending habits have a noticeable and measurable impact on local businesses. “‘Get Woke, Go Broke’ is an economic principle I believe in and support,” she said. “If you put a rainbow-colored ‘BLM’ sticker on your front window, I will not patronize your establishment and you will…

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