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19 sentences guaranteed to make you smile


By analyzing keyword hotspots and human endorphin burst-science, we’re able to bring you a carefully curated collection of sentences that are guaranteed to brighten your day and put a smile on your face: “The dog and cat gave birth to kittens and puppies at the bisexual, interracial, transcendental meditation ceremony.” “You won the lottery and…

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Tampa teenager wishes he had been old enough to bully Prince

Prince Bully

Chamberlain High School senior Corey Chuggler is looking back on his lengthy bullying career with few regrets but with one notable exception. “I wish I’d had the opportunity to bully Prince,” he said. “That would have been a real accomplishment.” Chuggler explained, “He was of small stature, he dressed differently, he was far more talented…

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Tampa man enjoys “The Final Countdown” unironically

Final Countdown

Wilbur Bruceforce of Tampa has discovered a song from the 1980’s that he really likes; “The Final Countdown” by the band Europe from their 1986 album of the same name. “I found it by accident on Spotify. I don’t know, it’s just a good song,” he said. “It’s upbeat, it’s got that ’80s vibe. It…

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Tampa man attends magic show on purpose


Michael Manda of Tampa recently went to a magic show in St. Petersburg with the full intention of doing exactly that. “Of course I did,” he said. “I love magic so, so much!” He was driving through St. Pete, taking a sightseeing tour with his wife and mother-in-law when he came across Zubrick Magic Theatre…

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Dunking booth clown cancelled

Today is the grand opening of the annual Strawberry Festival, also known as “like the State Fair, only better” but regular visitors may notice a conspicuous absence from this year’s festivities: no dunking booth clown. Scuzzo The Clown, who has been berating carnival goers with insults to frustrate or motivate or both for years, has…

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St. Pete woman dating Leo!

Hollywood super duper star Leonardo DiCaprio, stung by recent criticism of his tendency to date much younger women, has found himself a new boo thang in 87-year-old Estelle Gardenschwartz of St. Petersburg! “Yeah, I’m sick of all that shit,” he said. “So this ought to shut people up.” “Because this chick is old!” he added…

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Local film to get dark-and-gritty reboot

Plane Train Reboot

“Plane Train,” the beloved 2018 film produced by Tampa News that was featured at the Dunedin International Film Festival, is being rebooted by Warner Brothers Studios with a different, more violent storyline and different, more violent movie stars. “It’s time,” said James Cameron, the director attached to the project. The original “Plane Train” was a…

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Sex acts to help your Hollywood career: Ranked


Trading sexual favors for career opportunities in Hollywood has been well documented over the last generation to the point where it’s common knowledge amongst almost all people in the world. The scale of what sexual actions will get you has not been detailed, until now.  I will go through what you can expect to get…

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Assparilla butt parade is an instant hit

The inaugural “Assparilla” butt parade made it’s debut this year on Gasparilla, to a fevered reception, drawing praise from all of Tampa. “It’s the best idea the city has had since Busch Gardens opened!” Said Bernard Mopkins, who was in attendance. “It was just a never-ending train of ladies with large butts tossing butt-shaped bead…

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Tampa woman accused of being fun at parties

Safety advocate

Following an exchange between young women in Tampa regarding Gasparilla activities, a local life coach is the victim of a slanderous accusation. A group of six to eight University of Tampa students was excitedly sharing intended plans to drink copious amounts of alcoholic beverages and engage in indiscriminate sexual activity with strangers during today’s annual…

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