Government
Free sex hotline turns out to be Ron DeSantis cell phone number
Have you ever accidentally dialed this number? 📲
Read MorePolice Now Monitoring Every Bathroom in Florida
To comply with the new rules regarding trans people using bathrooms that don’t match the gender they were assigned at birth, the State of Florida will now be tasked with monitoring every public bathroom to stop law breakers. “We are trying to protect the citizens of Florida from people who are sick in the head,”…
Read MoreMayor Castor Vows to Accomplish Nothing for Four More Years
Tampa’s Mayor celebrated her upcoming victory in the 2023 municipal elections during a dinner this weekend where she touted her lack of accomplishments to a crowd of supporters. “For the last four years, Tampa has become more expensive, crowded and impossible to get around,” said Mayor Castor to the three people in attendance. “I just…
Read MoreTampa News Force 2023 Guide to Tampa’s Municipal Election
Tuesday, March 7, 2023 is Tampa’s Municipal Election. This election will secure jobs for City Council members and the Mayor, as well as provide residents a chance to vote on amendments to Tampa’s Charter which means something, I guess. Only 20% of eligible voters participated in the previous 2019 municipal election, so if you don’t…
Read MoreDeSantis has new favorite comic strip
Florida governor Ron DeSantis recently discovered the syndicated comic strip ‘Dilbert’, and it has immediately become his favorite. “It’s just so funny! Look at him, with his tie flipping upward. Whose tie does that? Not mine, that’s for sure. Dilbert’s, that’s who! Ha ha ha!” he said, reiterating that he thinks the strip is funny.…
Read MoreDeSantis marked safe from February
Top Florida State security officials have confirmed that Governor Ron DeSantis has survived the month of February, also known as “Black History Month”, unscathed. “There are still a few hours left, but we’re pretty sure he’ll make it,” said Florida State Police spokesperson Lou Scannon. “The odds of him being exposed to any references to…
Read More“Open corruption” initiative takes effect in government
A new initiative amongst the entire government encouraging its employees to be “open and honest about corruption” has officially gone underway. “All politicians on every level are now required to be honest about the dishonest things they do in penalty of being fired.” Said Debrah Demoykins, speaker of the Government Regulations Organization, a group I…
Read MoreMan regales local bar patrons with crazy story: “I could have beaten DeSantis”
A stranger wandered into a bar in St. Petersburg last night and proceeded to entertain patrons with a wild tall tale. “I don’t know who that dude is, but he’s hilarious,” said Todd Filbert, who happened to be among the small crowd at Stankbooty’s Taproom on Central Avenue. “He was really telling some whoppers!” The…
Read MoreAgency you’ve probably never heard of that never did anything calls it quits
The Tampa Bay Area Regional Transit Authority (TBARTA), the transit authority that oversees regional transportation needs in Hernando, Hillsborough, Manatee, Pasco and Pinellas counties has voted unanimously to dissolve the organization. “Fuck it,” said TBARTA Chairman Cliff Manuel Jr. “We out.” The agency, started by the state in 2007 but not having received funding from…
Read MoreDeSantis bans February
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced early this morning that effective immediately the month of February is illegal throughout the state. “The month of January will now be 45 days long and will be known as Janmaxuary and March will also be 45 days and shall be referred to as MarchUltra,” the Governor declared. “All the…
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