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Man terrified to wear mask at DeSantis press conference

DeSantis Threat

At a press conference earlier today in Nassau County where Florida Governor Ron DeSantis spoke about his ongoing plans for infrastructure improvements around the state, one man in attendance felt unsafe wearing a face mask. “I wanted to put it on, just to be careful because it was fairly crowded in there. I figured, ‘what’s…

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DeSantis not sure what to do about Juneteenth

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is experiencing anxiety in anticipation of the upcoming Juneteenth holiday, which takes place on June 19th and commemorates the anniversary date of the June 19, 1865, announcement of General Order No. 3 by Union Army general Gordon Granger, proclaiming freedom for enslaved people in Texas “This one is tricky,” he said. “How do…

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Supreme Court plans to overturn 13th amendment

13th Amendment

A leaked document has revealed that the Supreme Court justices plan on voting to overturn the 13th amendment and legalize slavery in America once again. The leak comes shortly after the previous explosive leak, claiming the justices would soon be overturning Roe v Wade, criminalizing abortion. “I can’t believe it, but I can.” Said Ted…

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DeSantis unlocks another achievement on way to Tyrant Master Badge

Tyrant

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis took another huge step forward in his quest to earn the somewhat coveted Tyrant Master Badge by threatening the Special Olympics with $27 million in fines for 5,500 violations of state law for requiring proof of coronavirus vaccination for attendees or participants. The Special Olympics dropped the restriction and released a…

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Mayor Castor attends therapy session with Tampa City Council

Therapy

Following a recent series of unpleasant confrontations between Tampa Mayor Jane Castor and members of the Tampa City Council, all parties involved have agreed to seek therapy in order to understand, and hopefully resolve, their differences. “It’s what the city needs and deserves, a leadership with a united front that communicates effectively and resolves internal…

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DeSantis proposes re-animated corpse of Anita Bryant as replacement for Mickey Mouse

Anita Bryant

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is proposing a possible compromise in the ongoing strained relationship between his office and The Walt Disney Company. “Maybe there’s room for a quid pro quo,” he said. “Maybe if they do something, I’ll do something.” What he’s suggesting is that the entertainment conglomerate that operates Walt Disney World, arguably the…

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