Government
Fugitive who destroyed US currency apprehended in Clearwater
Brad Rimshaw, 42 of Clearwater, a man who committed a federal crime 34 years ago surrendered peacefully to authorities yesterday. “Okay, okay, you got me! Don’t shoot! I am not resisting arrest. I repeat, I AM NOT RESISTING ARREST!” he shouted to Clearwater Police officers Edward Wambaugh and Joseph Conlon who were in the process…
Read MoreMayor Castor Look-A-Like Contest Winner Wins Chief of Police Job
After the resignation of the most recent Chief of Police for the Tampa Police Department, Mayor Jane Castor has announced that the winner of a recent Look-a-like contest will be awarded the title of Chief of Police for the TPD. “I’m just a good boy,” said Lenna Delanada and a playful baby voice. Delanada is…
Read MoreSecret society member almost gets in trouble
A rookie TPD officer is making headlines after processing Jeremiah Rothsfather, a well known high-ranking member of a wealthy, elite, powerful, secret organization. “What a rookie idiot, he had no clue!” Laughed officer Perry Ramirez, partner of the rookie officer who has asked to remain unnamed due to impending doom. “He’s going to be whacked…
Read MoreNew law states Jews are allowed to call Kanye West “The N-word”
A new law passed by the shadow government court has declared that all people of the Jewish faith, (The white one), are allowed to call Kanye West the N-word. “Yea, I like it.” Said JewJew Binks, an ambiguously Jewish Star Wars character. “Me too!” Said Freddy Jewcury, the alive-and-well lead singer of the Queen cover…
Read MorePinellas County School Board welcomes newly-elected totally non-QAnon affiliated member
The newest member of the Pinellas County School Board is Dawn Peters, a self-described “Florida native, a successful businesswoman and a devoted mother to two children” who is absolutely not a supporter of QAnon, an American political conspiracy theory and political movement that originated in the American far-right political sphere in 2017 and is based…
Read MoreAutopsy reveals Queen Elizabeth died of 5G
The late British monarch, Queen Elizabeth II, has been dead for a few weeks now. The official autopsy detailing her cause of death has stated that the European Ruler suffered from an overexposure to 5G radio waves. “She loved using Pancake Swap, a crypto trading network on her phone, and she would hold her phone…
Read MoreRon DeSantis Gives Final Campaign Speech in Black Face
In a surprisingly unnecessary move, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis gave his final campaign speech before the midterm elections in black face. “We don’t let the woke liberal mob tell us what we can and can’t do with our bodies here in Florida,” said DeSantis to an electrified audience at the Jewish Community Center of Tampa…
Read MoreFlorida Election Police Arrest 10-year-old That Voted Illegally
Governor Ron DeSantis proudly announced today the capture of one of their most sought after 2020 election fraud suspects. Florida’s Election Police SWAT unit announced that they executed a search warrant in The Villages, Florida retirement community where they discovered a 10-year-old boy home alone. Florida Election Police took the boy into custody after bypassing…
Read MoreMarco Rubio Recognized as Best New Career Politician
With his third term reelection looking more likely, Florida Senator Marco Rubio has officially been recognized as Tampa News Force’s best new ‘Career Politician’. The First Annual Tampa News Force Community Awards Gala recognized some of the best politicians in Florida and all the great things they do for Tampa. The event occurred at the…
Read MoreDeSantis refuses to commit to type of coffee he wants to drink
In town this afternoon for lunch at Seasons 52 at the Westshore Plaza, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis was either unwilling or unable to tell a server if he wanted regular coffee or decaf. “I greeted him and asked if he’d like to start out with a beverage, the way I do with every customer,” said…
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