Government
The State of Florida Guide on how to get rid of unwanted migrants
(Reposted as a public service on behalf of the Florida State Government as interpreted by Governor Ron DeSantis who is totally not a tyrant.) Do you have a problem with migrants infesting your neighborhood, raping and murdering you? Of course you do. Don’t bother looking out the window to see for yourself; take our word…
Read More“Don’t say incest” bill passes in Florida
The Family Togetherness Act, also known as the “don’t say incest” bill has passed in Florida congress with a vote of 4-3, making it illegal for teachers to mention incest in any government school building. The bill which highlights issues of families struggling with incestual relationships between parents who were born brother and sister who…
Read MoreSex With Pregnant Women Now Illegal in Florida
Now that life begins at conception, sex with pregnant women will be considered sexual battery on a minor. “New and expecting parents will be required by law to sign a form stating they didn’t engage in any sexual contact after discovering the pregnancy.” Said Florida Governor Ron DeSantis during a press conference where he signed…
Read MoreDeSantis places restrictions on Kate Bush music
Due to being featured prominently in the popular Netflix series Stranger Things, the Kate Bush Song “Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God),” originally released in 1985, is a chart-topping hit again. “Yeah, and I’m sick of it,” said Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. “Damn song is everywhere, all the time.” For that reason, among…
Read MoreSeven One Seven Parking Enterprises to open downtown Tampa skate park
With the Tampa City Council debating the merits of enforcing an ordinance that criminalizes skateboarding in the City of Tampa, with $75 tickets for skaters who ride in certain parts of the city, a private merchant has proposed a solution to the controversial measure. “We’re going to own and operate a skate park right downtown”,…
Read MoreCardi B now most successful of the US Government’s Cardi droids
As many of you know, the US government began experimenting with the CARDI Program in the late 1980s, CARDI being short for Computerized Ass Revolving Dance Intelligence. While the original CARDI droid, Cardi A, was released in 1989 and received some success in in dancehall and Cardi C (1995) had a few memorable hits in…
Read MoreAugust 23rd Primary in Florida Could Decide Which Democrat Will Lose to Ron DeSantis
Agricultural Commissioner, Nikki Fried, pathetically gathered a small and unnoticeable cluster of people to complain about her leftist talking points. “Florida could really use some legal weed right about now,” said Fried to her supporters. “I don’t understand it. All these old ass people come to this state to die, and they don’t want to…
Read MoreFollowing Roe v. Wade overturn, Town ‘n’ Country to make abortion mandatory
In a shocking first, Town ‘n’ Country has become the first area in the US to make abortion mandatory for all women who become pregnant within the census designated place (CDP). “I mean, come on,” said Jane Castor, mayor of the Tampa. While Roe v Wade gave women the RIGHT to an abortion, no federal…
Read MoreTampa officials say solution to school shootings is use of official Cuban bread
Officials in Tampa are citing the use of official Cuban bread from La Segunda Bakery in Ybor as the solution to school shootings. “Of the 93 school shootings in 2021, no school shootings occurred in the greater Tampa Bay Area,” said Tampa Mayor, Jane Castor, in a press conference on Saturday. “We believe this is…
Read MoreTampa Bay lesbians refusing dick following Roe v Wade verdict
For lesbians here in the Tampa Bay area, they have now started refusing sex with men following Roe v. Wade’s overturn. In the past, lesbians all over the Bay Area have been drawn to penal insertion. Due to abortion rights being struck down, the pene in vagine deal seems less and less attractive to lesbians…
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