Shopping
Top Things to Buy on Craigslist Tampa
If you are looking to directly support the community, shopping on Craigslist can be the best way stimulate your local economy. Hop on these great finds today before they are gone! Muriatic Acid Are you processing leather or making a homemade batch of gelatin? Well then pick up a half full bottle of Muriatic Acid,…
Read MoreFloor & Decor Accused of Not Being Home Depot or Lowe’s
The Lakeland location of Floor & Decor was met with hostility today after a customer complained that they were not Home Depot or Lowe’s. “I bought two boxes of tiles, but then I realized I don’t even own a home,” said Fenix Fartiano who tried to re-tile his trailer that he rents in exchange for…
Read MoreTampa News Force offers eco-friendly Gasparilla beads
In support of Tampa Mayor Jane Castor’s #BeadFreeBay campaign, an anti-littering awareness campaign to remind the public that throwing beads and other litter into Tampa Bay is prohibited, Tampa News Force is producing ‘Bay Ecologically and Environmentally Friendly (B.E.E.F.)’ Beads for people planning to attend the Gasparilla parades and other festivities. “Environmental sustainability is a…
Read MoreTampa Premium Outlets Opens All-You-Can-Steal Store
To attract new shoppers to the unexciting Tampa Premium Outlet mall, a brand new shopping experience is opening up that mall owners hope will leave guest running back for more. “We got tired of shutting everything down in hopes of catching thieves,” said mall security guard and co-owner of the outlet mall, Wryngo Shtrar. “We…
Read MoreChick-Fil-A to Award Drunkest Person at Gasparilla with Unlimited Nuggets for Life
As part of a new promotion with Chick-Fil-A, the drunkest person arrested at Gasparilla will be handsomly rewarded with unlimited chicken nuggets for the rest of their life. “I’m getting ready now,” said Rirlarn Uwachys. “I’ve been drinking non-stop for the past two days.” Uwachys said before vomiting all over my shoes. “I’m so sorry,”…
Read MoreSt. Pete inventor unveils new product
A St. Petersburg man has invented a new waste disposal product that he feels will revolutionize the currently moribund waste disposal industry. “It’s called the Ass Dumpster,” says Doug Pflug, a self-educated engineer. “I will now take questions from the press.” The device was introduced at a press conference held at the Vinoy Renaissance Resort…
Read MoreTampa Couple Shocked to Discover Their New Security Camera Has Been Broadcasting to PornHub
A Tampa couple is suing a popular security camera maker after discovering that their newly installed camera system had been broadcasting to the popular porn streaming website, PornHub. “I bought my wife this security camera to prove to her that I wasn’t wearing and stretching out her yoga pants while she was at work,” said…
Read MoreNecrophiliac opens sleep study center
A necrophiliac opened a sleep study center in the plaza that has the Golden Corral in it off Highway 19. “Hey, I have sex with dead bodies, not sleeping people, I don’t see what all the fuss is about.” Said convicted necrophiliac Ned Krowfeeleak. “I’ve been rehabilitated, that’s all behind me,” Krowfeeleak said. “It’s honestly…
Read MoreTampa Bay Retailers Hoping To Go Out Of Business Before Halloween
Tampa Bay Area merchants who operate traditional brick-and-mortar retail stores are hoping to be put out of business soon, in order to lease their locations to seasonal Halloween pop-up stores. “I’m starting to get nervous; it’s September and some of those stores are already open,” says Susan Gligart, owner of Aunt Suzy’s Crafts and Yarn.…
Read MoreUsed car dealer yells at confused commuters
Billy Fucillo, a used car salesman who owns dealerships in Clearwater, Wesley Chapel and Port Charlotte, was heard on local radio stations this morning screaming, “RAARRGH!”*, “GYAAAAHH!!”*, “BLURGH!”* and ”HUUUGE!!”*, confusing and upsetting Tampa Bay area commuters on their way to work. (* = author’s interpretation of guttural noises) “I don’t know what he’s talking…
Read More