Weather
3 Signs You’re Not Ready for a Hurricane
As hurricane season rears up again, it’s good to know if you’re ready for a hurricane or not. Here are 3 signs you may not be ready. 3. Your legs are exposed If you’re wearing shorts, or walking around in just underwear, you are not ready for a hurricane. Your legs will get wet and…
Read MorePlant abuse up among Tampa Bay residents
The recent cold weather has exposed inhumane treatment by Tampa Bay residents. Tampa Bay plantologist, Shelbert Herring, noticed people covering their outdoor plants with blankets. Herring remarked “this is only the first step. We can’t forget about the pillows. What about also offering them some hot cocoa?” “Covering your plants with blankets without pillows can…
Read MoreTampa boot enthusiast annoyed by unseasonably warm weather
Valerie Brun, who lives in the VM Ybor neighborhood of Tampa, is severely aggravated that the weather is hampering her annual enjoyment of her favorite footwear: cute boots. “This is ridiculous,” she said in an exasperated manner, gesturing to all of the outdoors. “It’s supposed to be Christmas time and it’s 85 degrees out. That’s…
Read MoreTampa heat forces citizens to consider moving back to New York
Record high heat waves have been effecting Tampa residents mental health, causing them to consider moving back to their hometowns of New York. “I didn’t come down here for this.” Said Ben Pigeon. “New York is the greatest city in the world, best place on earth hands down, but I’d prefer to spend most of…
Read MoreTampa Bay meteorologists file class action suit against Elsa
Tampa Bay’s television meteorologists are joining together to sue Tropical Storm Elsa, which recently passed through the area. The class action suit, brought by WTVT’s Paul Dellegatto, WFLA’s Steve Jerve, WTSP’s Autumn Robertson and WFTS’s Denis Phillips claims that Elsa has damaged their professional credibility and has severely hampered their ability to perform their duties…
Read MoreTampa woman’s constitutional rights infringed
Belinda Kneater of Tampa doesn’t understand why she’s not allowed to hang out at the top of the Sunshine Skyway as Tropical Storm Elsa rolls through the area tonight. “My body, my choice, right?”, she said. “Well, my body chooses to drive up to the top of the Sunshine Skyway, park, and eat hot dogs…
Read MoreNOAA now using Blake Coleman to track tropical storms
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), the government’s primary weather authority, announced that they are adapting Tampa Bay Lightning forward Blake Coleman to serve as the new means of illustrating the track of tropical systems that threaten U.S. coastlines. “More than anything else, we want to keep people safe”, said NOAA spokesperson Angela Feltflicker.…
Read MoreTampa weather changes
In a global move, the planet is now on a different part of it’s galactic axis, causing the weather to change in Tampa. It’s no longer how it was the other day. It’s different now. So times it gets colder than it normally does. Not quite as hot. But still hot. Pretty hot. Kind of…
Read MoreHurricane washes thousands of ballots on St Pete Beach
The ballots are from numerous states all over the country, with a specific instructional note attached to many reading “Make sure these Republican votes never see the light of day” Signed with the initials JB and KH.
Read MoreNational Weather Service hires Kevin Cash to deal with Tropical Storm Eta
“Oh yeah, I know exactly what to do here. I got this.” – Tampa Bay Rays manager Kevin Cash
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