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Trump directs armpit farts at critics

ArmPitFarts

On a surprise visit to Tampa this morning for the sake of qualifying this article as “local” or maybe to get some Waffle House hash browns, an obviously annoyed President Donald Trump delivered a message to people criticizing him for calling for an end to counting votes. “You know what? All of a sudden you’re…

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Dunedin man wants this election crap over already

George Bascoat of Dunedin is sick and tired of hearing about the 2020 election and wants it finished. “What’s with this crap?”, he asked rhetorically. “The polls closed at 8 and it’s almost midnight and we still don’t know who won. Come on. This is a bunch of crap.” I told him that counting ballots…

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Biden and Trump reach historic agreement

In a historically unprecedented move, as well as an uncharacteristic display of cooperation in this highly contentious election campaign, the two presidential candidates, Republican incumbent Donald Trump and Democrat challenger Joe Biden, have worked out a mutually beneficial deal mere hours before the polls close nationwide. At an accidental breakfast meeting at the Waffle House…

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Tampa woman votes, announces, “That should do it”

Christine Valzer of Tampa, who has never participated in an election prior to this year, voted early this morning and immediately proclaimed an end to all divisive social and economic issues. “Yep, that should do it”, she said as she left the West Tampa branch of the public library, and informed everyone waiting in line,…

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Trump Declares Victory in Florida, Nation

It‘s Election Day, November 3 2020, and it’s the culmination of one of the most important elections in American History. The race features incumbent President Donald Trump vs. the Democratic nominee for President Joe Biden in a tight contest for the White House. A record number of Americans have already voted, with millions more planning…

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Man Heckling Joe Biden Turns Out to Be Mirror

Scranton, PA — Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden was recorded getting into a spirited discussion with what he called an “old man heckler” at one of his final campaign stops before the election. The heckler turned out to be a full-length mirror he was passing on his way to an interview.  “He wouldn’t let me get a word in,”…

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Top Five Bad Excuses for Not Voting (aside from just not wanting to)

Election 2020

Election Day is this Tuesday, November 3rd, with the race between Joe Biden and Donald Trump for President of the United States among many important issues set to be resolved by citizens participating in the democratic process of voting. A lot of people have already voted. Others are waiting for the “official” day-of. Many, many…

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