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Tampa News Force gives up
Tampa News Force (TNF) has given up fighting a lawsuit brought by pop superstar Taylor Swift, opting instead to settle the matter out of court. 10 minutes ago, TNF lawyers were fully prepared to battle the multiple Grammy award winner’s efforts to bend the one-time Creative Loafing Best of the Bay winning media outlet to…
Read MoreTampa comedian dies trying to write perfect topical joke
Tampa stand-up comedian Glenn “Glizzy” Werthers, best known for his persistent efforts to get everyone to call him “Glizzy”, was found dead in his apartment yesterday, the victim of an apparent, very specific form of writer’s block. “We see this sometimes when writer’s block is really severe. The writer’s brain will literally explode,” said Hillsborough…
Read MoreWoke uncle wrecks family’s Thanksgiving
Kenneth Childress of South Bend, Indiana, ruined his family’s Thanksgiving while visiting them in Tampa by sharing his extremely tolerant and socially aware opinions during the traditional holiday meal. “Uncle Kenneth is always a handful. He just can’t help himself,” said Carl Childress, who works hard all year to keep a roof over this family’s…
Read MoreSex With Pregnant Women Now Illegal in Florida
Now that life begins at conception, sex with pregnant women will be considered sexual battery on a minor. “New and expecting parents will be required by law to sign a form stating they didn’t engage in any sexual contact after discovering the pregnancy.” Said Florida Governor Ron DeSantis during a press conference where he signed…
Read MoreHitler’s mom would have aborted him if not for abortion laws
In a new bombshell discovery regarding Hitler’s mother’s diaries, the deceased former leader of Germany’s mother was planning to terminate the pregnancy if it were not for strict Austrian abortion laws. “I just have a really bad feeling about this baby” read an entry from Adelaide Hitler, Adolph’s mother. “I feel it squirming around my…
Read MoreFollowing Roe v. Wade overturn, Town ‘n’ Country to make abortion mandatory
In a shocking first, Town ‘n’ Country has become the first area in the US to make abortion mandatory for all women who become pregnant within the census designated place (CDP). “I mean, come on,” said Jane Castor, mayor of the Tampa. While Roe v Wade gave women the RIGHT to an abortion, no federal…
Read MoreFlorida now most expensive state to get a happy ending
With the rise of rent here in Florida, the everyday worker’s has gone up as well. While this has hit every industry from food service to pharmacists, the biggest drain on our wallets has to be happy endings after a massage. The cost of a happy ending used to be somewhere around $80 here in…
Read MoreMass shootings should end now that St. Pete woman is sick of them
Following a mass shooting at an Independence Day parade in Highland Park, Illinois yesterday, Sandy Sterns of St. Petersburg has declared that she is completely over it. “This stuff happens all the time. It’s ridiculous”, she said. “And yesterday was a holiday; we all had the day off and were supposed to celebrate America and…
Read MoreNew queen in town taking Tampa Bay drag scene by storm!
Rhonda Santis, a drag performer who recently moved to Tampa from Tallahassee, is packing in crowds at drag shows all over the Tampa Bay Area. “There’s something familiar about her but I can’t put my finger on it,” said legendary local drag queen Amy DeMilo. “But I don’t think I’d like to.” “She’s really filthy.…
Read MoreClearwater woman thinks neighbor is that guy from viral video
Valerie Equivocada of Clearwater is fairly certain that a guy who lives in her apartment building was the star of a video that went viral a long time ago. “OMG, look who it is!” she texted to a friend along with a photo she took without permission of Paul Fwipple doing his laundry. “Remember him…
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