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Hitler’s mom would have aborted him if not for abortion laws
In a new bombshell discovery regarding Hitler’s mother’s diaries, the deceased former leader of Germany’s mother was planning to terminate the pregnancy if it were not for strict Austrian abortion laws. “I just have a really bad feeling about this baby” read an entry from Adelaide Hitler, Adolph’s mother. “I feel it squirming around my…
Read MoreFollowing Roe v. Wade overturn, Town ‘n’ Country to make abortion mandatory
In a shocking first, Town ‘n’ Country has become the first area in the US to make abortion mandatory for all women who become pregnant within the census designated place (CDP). “I mean, come on,” said Jane Castor, mayor of the Tampa. While Roe v Wade gave women the RIGHT to an abortion, no federal…
Read MoreFlorida now most expensive state to get a happy ending
With the rise of rent here in Florida, the everyday worker’s has gone up as well. While this has hit every industry from food service to pharmacists, the biggest drain on our wallets has to be happy endings after a massage. The cost of a happy ending used to be somewhere around $80 here in…
Read MoreMass shootings should end now that St. Pete woman is sick of them
Following a mass shooting at an Independence Day parade in Highland Park, Illinois yesterday, Sandy Sterns of St. Petersburg has declared that she is completely over it. “This stuff happens all the time. It’s ridiculous”, she said. “And yesterday was a holiday; we all had the day off and were supposed to celebrate America and…
Read MoreNew queen in town taking Tampa Bay drag scene by storm!
Rhonda Santis, a drag performer who recently moved to Tampa from Tallahassee, is packing in crowds at drag shows all over the Tampa Bay Area. “There’s something familiar about her but I can’t put my finger on it,” said legendary local drag queen Amy DeMilo. “But I don’t think I’d like to.” “She’s really filthy.…
Read MoreClearwater woman thinks neighbor is that guy from viral video
Valerie Equivocada of Clearwater is fairly certain that a guy who lives in her apartment building was the star of a video that went viral a long time ago. “OMG, look who it is!” she texted to a friend along with a photo she took without permission of Paul Fwipple doing his laundry. “Remember him…
Read MoreToronto latest Canadian city to not appreciate the humor in losing a postseason series to the Tampa Bay Lightning
The Tampa Bay Lightning defeated the Toronto Maple Leafs 2-1 in Game 7 of their first round series in the 2021-22 NHL playoffs Saturday night in Toronto. As a result, the Maple Leafs join the Montreal Canadiens and Calgary Flames as franchises that have lost a postseason series to the Lightning, who play in Tampa…
Read MoreAll of Tampa is Now Spice World
During a press conference today, Mayor Jane Castor announced a new partnership with the 90s pop group Spice Girls to officially license the name Spice World. “This has been on my agenda since the first day I was sworn in as mayor,” Castor told reporters. “Tampa has a lot of people smoking spice, and it’s…
Read MoreCity of Tampa appoints new Director of Leisure Services
The City of Tampa has appointed Theodore John Evans to head up the city’s newly created Leisure Services Department. “Tensions are elevated here in Tampa. Everyone is stressed out. We all need to relax,” said Mayor Jane Castor. “With that in mind, we’ve created a brand new agency to help us do exactly that. And…
Read MoreGronk’s ribs on Rick Scott’s Thanksgiving menu
Florida Senator Rick Scott has announced that the primary entrée for his annual Thanksgiving dinner celebration will be barbecued spare ribs from Tampa Bay Buccaneers tight end Rob Gronkowski. “Nummy nummy”, slobbered Scott. Gronkowski suffered multiple fractured ribs, along with a punctured lung, in the Bucs 34-24 loss to the Los Angeles Rams on September…
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