Florida Governor Ron DeSantis expressed appreciation to President Joe Biden for leading the federal response to the collapse of a condo building in the coastal suburb of Surfside last week.
“You recognized the severity of this tragedy from day one, and you’ve been very supportive”, he said, wincing in obvious discomfort and addressing Biden as they sat next to each other at a briefing. The Governor began sweating profusely.
“The cooperation between local, state and federal partners seeking to manage the fallout from the building collapse has been great”, he said, appearing to become dizzy and pale. “You guys have not only been supportive at the federal level, but we’ve had no bureaucracy.”
Later, he said, “This just shows that people from different backgrounds and different political affiliations with varying opinions can work together (burp) to benefit a greater good (hork) which is what the true function of government is supposed to be (gag). Oh screw this, I can’t do it”. He then projectile vomited for four minutes straight before slumping to the floor, unconscious.
“Hey man, you okay?”, Biden asked, as he put on his sunglasses and stepped over the supine governor on his way to the Presidential helicopter.
When DeSantis woke up later, he moaned groggily, “Please forgive me, Donald. I only did it for the money. You understand that, right? Please don’t be mad at me, daddy!”, as medical professional administered fluids intravenously.