Florida Governor Ron DeSantis on Sunday attended a ribbon cutting ceremony to announce a new store in Tampa where people can buy and burn books.
Burn-ee’s, which is based in Tennessee, has plans to open stores throughout the southeast. The one in Tampa is the first in Florida.
“This is like the Shangri-La of book burning places,” DeSantis said at a news conference outside the store on Waters Avenue. “You have all these people, both local and visitors, that are gonna be coming down this way to burn books. What better place to stop than here? Aside from maybe a public school or a library, of course.”
Burn-ee’s allows people to bring material they feel is objectionable for a variety of reasons, as well as buy those items on site, including records and compact discs as well as books.
“We have a lot of demonic, race-mongering items that deserve to be destroyed,” said store manager Chum Hubbley. “We got Beatles records and books about Jews and coloreds and mouthy broads and even mouthy colored Jew broads. People can buy them, rent one of our fire pits and torch ’em up real good.”
“The fire pits are self-contained units with safety features so there’s no risk of anything valuable being damaged,” he said. “Except for maybe the free exchange of information and opposing viewpoints, of course.”
DeSantis said, “There are outside agitators that are going to draw parallels between this and Nazi Germany. But look at all these people out here, just trying to have a good time with a nice fire fueled by liberal trash.” DeSantis gestured to a costumed mascot and said, “Hey even Burn-ee Bear is here!”
“Hey man, leave me out of this,” replied the person in the costume. “This is just a gig I signed up for on Fiverr. I’m disgusted to be here, frankly.”
He was immediately grabbed and thrown into one of the raging pits, to thunderous applause from people gathered around it, drowning out his terrified screams.