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DeSantis Cuts State’s Art Budget, Shows how Easy it is to Live Without Art

Last week Florida Governor Ron DeSantis slashed over $32 million dollars in funding from Florida’s arts and culture budget. This decision comes after Tampa’s Fringe Festival, a 10-day celebration of all things creative freedom, inclusivity and profitability for artists, which DeSantis deemed “a sexual festival…that is an inappropriate use of taxpayer dollars.” He was apparently offended by a performance involving transgender performers.

In the wake of DeSantis’ funding cuts for zoos, museums, theatres and more, he has discontinued all participation in artistic activities. He no longer consumes any type of media. He’s gotten rid of his car, TVs, tablets and phone so that he isn’t tempted to watch or listen to anything ever again. On a recent visit to St Pete, he wore blackout sunglasses as to avoid looking at murals and seeing “weird hippy types who definitely make ‘art’.” He has been seen in public since then with gashes and bruises all over his body.

More extremely, DeSantis has given up wearing clothes, cooking, eating at restaurants, speaking, and sleeping “because dreams.” He now wears a loin cloth he fashioned from an old rag and is a hunter-gatherer. St Pete-based designer, Maxxinista Pastel, says, “he’s gone to such great lengths to avoid art that he’s become an artist.”

Sources close to the governor claim that he threw away anything hung on the walls of his mansion. Then, he knocked it down completely.

At a recent doctor’s visit, Ronny Boy was asked to fill out a depression screen. After failing miserably, the Tallahassee doctor prescribed DeSantis the highest dose of Trazodone and urged him to embrace his favorite types of art again, in addition to eating, sleeping and wearing clothes.

Taylor Cuzino

About Taylor Cuzino

Taylor Cuzino is a comedic writer whose dream in life is to write for sitcoms. She has stupid tattoos and loves bulldogs. In her free time, you can catch her sleeping and shopping at Target.

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