Today is the grand opening of the annual Strawberry Festival, also known as “like the State Fair, only better” but regular visitors may notice a conspicuous absence from this year’s festivities: no dunking booth clown.
Scuzzo The Clown, who has been berating carnival goers with insults to frustrate or motivate or both for years, has been cancelled and fired.
“That’s not my clown name. I don’t have a clown name. Scuzzo is my actual surname. My name is Bob Scuzzo,” he corrected us.
“Yeah, I guess somebody decided my style of insult comedy was just too raw and intense for this modern, pussy-ass, politically correct, libtard society,” he offered as an explanation as to why he’d been fired. “Which I don’t understand since I’ve been doing it so long. I never roasted anyone personally; it was always in the spirit of fun and was about how they throw like a girl or were fat or ugly or old or gay or Black or how their mother is a whore or… Wait… Okay, I see it now.”
Local open mic comedians Mike Hurrl, Fooly Joe and Tyler Tylerson are among those disappointed that Scuzzo will not be a featured attraction anymore.
“We went to the State Fair in February just to see him. He’s a master at crowd work and we were going to take notes. If you’re serious about learning a craft, you should study the absolute best,” said Hurrl. “But he wasn’t there so we went home and watched some Bill Burr specials again.”
CarnCo Midway Amusements Inc., the company that Scuzzo worked for, said the dunking booths will still have a presence at the fairs and carnivals they book, including this year’s Strawberry Festival.
“Of course! Dunking booths are a time-honored midway tradition,” said company owner Cornelius ‘Corndog’ T. Funnelcake III. “We’re just going in a different direction in terms of talent, that’s all. You know, to adapt to changing societal trends.”
Beginning today, inside the tank will be Shirley Denim, a 66-year-old Black, obese lesbian who instead of shouting insults, will be offering positive affirmations and healthy living advice.
“Since this is Florida, we fully expect even more people to want to dunk her… oops, I mean ‘them’ or ‘it’ or whatever… and that they’ll throw harder than ever,” said Mr. Funnelcake.