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Florida now most expensive state to get a happy ending

Unhappy Ending

With the rise of rent here in Florida, the everyday worker’s has gone up as well. While this has hit every industry from food service to pharmacists, the biggest drain on our wallets has to be happy endings after a massage. 

The cost of a happy ending used to be somewhere around $80 here in the Tampa Bay Area. With prices rising for everything recently, that price has skyrocketed to nearly $300 at certain parlors. 

“When it was cheaper to live, it was cheaper to please,” says Samantha Burger, a local massage parlor owner. “With milk at nearly $4 a gallon, it’s hard to put food on the table with just a few happy endings a week.”

With prices in New York at a steady $200 and Los Angeles at $150, the astronomical increase in prices here in Florida have left many families strapped for change. 

“I don’t know how I’m going to afford to feed my kids,” says Greg Abbott, father of four. “It’s just so expensive to get a happy ending these days.” 

Calls to subsidize happy endings on the state level have been intense, with some going as far as to protest outside the state capital in Tallahassee. 

“I’ve lived in Florida all my life, the maximum a happy ending should cost is $120,” says Ricky Feddler, local gymnastics coach and father of three. “If the government wanted we could get them for free. It’s almost like they don’t care.” 

Tampa isn’t the only place hit “hard” by the happy ending shortage recently: Miami, Key West, and Seffner are now amongst the most expensive places to get a happy ending today.

Michael Fritz

About Michael Fritz

Michael Fritz is a lot of things, but he DOES believe in the holocaust. 6 million Jews were murdered at the hands of Nazi operatives in an effort to eradicate both their faith and race. In his eyes, Michael Fritz believes this was a terrible tragedy and needs to be taught and talked about so it doesn’t happen again. The holocaust was bad, but Michael Fritz isn’t. He writes articles.