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How to Start a Militia in Florida

How to Start a Militia

If you’re reading this, chances are you have a lot of guns and want to meet other like-minded individuals to share survival strategies for the upcoming culture war.  Thankfully, we here at Tampa News Force have helped dozens of militias find their bearings and with these helpful tips, you too will be training for the end times.

Step 1. Find a Training Field

The first thing you’re going to need is a piece of land where many people can shoot guns freely without cops interfering. Grab some acres in a remote suburban neighborhood, build an HQ and you’re ready to get started.

Step 2. Start a Meetup Group is a wonderful website where dudes can find other dudes for mostly nonsexual activities. Use the following keywords in your event description to target the fellas you want by your side to fight Antifa: Patriot, Freedom, Women Belong in the Kitchen, Fuck Fauci, Hang Mike Pence, Kung Flu, Fuck Antifa, Mouth Diapers, Second Amendment, Stop Socialism, Abortion is Murder and We Will Murder the Abortionist, How to Kill a Communist, The Election Was Stolen, Sleepy Joe, Silence AOC, Hunter Biden, Green New Deal is Gay, Rolling Coal, and many more.

Step 3. Game Plan

The most effective militias have many plans ready to go for any given situation. This means hiding weapons, practicing how to take them apart and put them back together again, shooting at targets that are various shades of brown, and ensuring bunkers are clean and well stocked.  Some of the best ways to come up with plans include watching reruns of the Tucker Carlson show to figure out what you should be afraid of.  

Step 4. Marketing and Promotions

When you have a crew assembled, spend a day taking photos of everyone in full gear for promotional purposes.  The best militias continue to grow, and the best way to grow is by handing out pamphlets in the street.  Make sure you also have a logo and a cool name because people love stickers.

Step 5. Bake Sale

Sometimes you need a little extra dough and what better way to make some dough than by selling dough.  Bake sales are very lucrative if done correctly.  Creatively decorate your baked goods with themes such as “Lock Her Up Doughnuts” or “Storm the Capitol Brownies”.

Step 6. Field Trip

Rent a bus and take your crew up to Tallahassee to intimidate the leftist union groups or travel up I-95 to Washington D.C. and make sure your voices are heard when you scream about your rights being infringed outside the White House.

Step 7. Hide

Sometimes, things get out of hand, and you must lay low for a little while.  While hiding your face under a mask is currently encouraged by the lamestream media, you fought for your right to not wear a mask and now they keep plastering your face on the news saying you broke the law. Either way, best to just wait until President Trump is rightfully reinstated and this will all blow over soon.

Step 8. Wait for the Codeword

Any day now, Trump will be reinstated, and you will be able to leave your bunker safely.

Step 9. Pledge Your Undying Loyalty

Keep waiting for that reinstatement day, it’s coming up we swear!

Step 10. Take this Quiz That Will Prove You Aren’t Gay

We made this quiz to prove that you aren’t gay when people ask why you are still hiding.

This Quiz Will Prove You Aren't Gay

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Josh Santos

About Josh Santos

Writer and award-winning videographer and documentarian. Instagram: @HashtagSantos