Introverts jerk off to the idea of never going out again

National Introverts Group of Greater Edgerton Road, favorably accepted gathering groups of ten, are not allowed lieu of a cure, and by that I mean a local group of introverts have begun jerking off to the concept of never having to go outside again after Coronavirus fears have caused everyone to stay inside, and now the livers-of-inside shall shed their fomo and become home-o-hobos AKA “people who love their home.”

“I’m so fucking pissed I had to wait this long to never leave my house again!” Typed Mushmouth Gary through his one-handed keyboard while he ate a cheese-stuffed-hotdog and shit his pants unabashed.

“I can’t wait to just jerk my own lil ding dong off all day long and creep on strangers who don’t know me!” Gary let out a loud belch and farted through his soiled diaper.

“I am what the government wants! They want me to never move or do anything or ever question anything and just lay back and accept my fate!” Gary articulately explained.

“They want to restrict me but convince me I’m free at the same time so I’m now confined to my apartment for the rest of my life, but I have access got 250 streams! I can see everything at all times!” Gary laughed so damn hard I could feel it through the computer.

“Fuck.” I said back to Gary.

“That’s some pretty heavy stuff.”

Anyways, this is a fake news article, and everything is totally fine while we’re all quarantined in our office on 5th street. God I wish I could get home and feed my rats. Marley and Melvin need me! Little squeakertons, I love them so much. God, my rats, I miss my babies so so sooo much ugh! Thanks for reading guys, hope you’re not dead.