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Juneteenth Inspires Tampa Bay Resident to Share Idiotic Opinions

Randolph Marcial, a composite of various Tampa Bay residents with lots of stupid ideas but usually at least smart enough to not share them publicly, mistakenly thinks the observance of Juneteenth is a good reason to post some of them on social media.

“It’s a freedom thing so I’m going to exercise my freedom to express freedom in the true spirit of freedom,” they said, getting off to a bumpy start.

“First of all, there’s only one Independence Day and it’s called July 4,” they continued, questioning the validity of the existence of the occasion. “What tf is juneteenth?? Sounds like some rare dental disease.”

“What kinda of made up word is that, Juneteenth? It’s like Kwanza,” they said, apparently unaware of the fact that all words, punctuation and any other aspects of a written and spoken language are made up.

Juneteenth is the oldest nationally-celebrated commemoration of the ending of slavery in the United States. Specifically, it recognizes Union General Gordon Granger and his troops traveling to Galveston, Texas to announce General Orders No. 3 on June 19, 1865.

“So, we celebrate the end of slavery for one small town in Texas… got it,” they said, clearly not getting it. “All it does is add seperation to Americans.”

Referencing a special commemorative flag being flown at the City Center at Hanna Avenue in Tampa, they said, “The Stars and Stripes, and Stars and Bars look better than that. Not saying ending slavery was bad, but that flag really does nothing. Who even designed that flag?”

“This nation has one flag, the American Flag,” they added, ignorant of the existence of thousands of state and municipal flags in this nation, as well of those representing military units that exist for the sake of defending and upholding the US Constitution.

Having boldly not declared that ending slavery was bad, they moved on to their own selectively subjective version of history.

“Thankfully a republican president freed all slaves and then Juneteenth is when a republican president had to send the army to Texas to force the democrats to actually give up their slaves. Then the democrats killed said republican president. But why celebrate the ‘end of slavery’ for one small town in Texas? And where’s all the days if celebration for all the other groups of people who were slaves?? White. Dutch. Irish. Chinese. Asians??”

Unable to list the specific date that slavery officially ended for Dutch people in order to celebrate it, they moved on to philosophy.

“We are all slaves to the elites and our own governments now. The irony is that most people want to be enslaved now. Slavery went from African Americans to all Americans…just because there aren’t chains ..don’t mean we aren’t  just here for government to profit from us all …taxes taxes taxes we are not as free as people think… 

They then urged others to learn more about the thing they don’t believe existed more than three years ago before posting about it on social media.

“A social experiment for everyone to try… Go out and ask 10 random strangers what Juneteenth is, and its relevance to history.  You will be disappointed, and realize that if it wasn’t for virtue signaling and social media, most people have never even heard of this.  If you’re going to celebrate history, you should probably learn it first.”

They summed by stating that they just want to bring everyone together by seeing white people finally get some long-overdue credit and respect for being so great.

“Looking forward to white people month and flag. We like equal rights and opportunity to celebrate the color of our skin too. Along with the massive contributions made for all Americans. 600,000 souls died to free black people. Most of them white. That is worth celebrating and a big thank you for those people is in order for sure. Every race had slaves and or were slaves at one point in history or another. Lets not forget black slaves were sold to slaves owners by black people, plus it was the custom of the day. Good for America for ending slavery in record time. I say we celebrate those who had ancestors that made that happen, shall we?”

(Editor’s note: ‘the quotes attributed to ‘Randolph Marcial’ in this article are a collection of actual comments posted in response to a Tampa Bay Times article posted to Facebook about the Juneteenth flag at the Tampa City Center. Some of them have been slightly edited for the sake of correcting grammar and punctuation in order to be more coherent and slightly less stupid. But not much.)

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54