Manatee seen giving fat guy a blow job

A manatee was spotted off the south west end of the Hillsborough River giving an overweight man oral sex according to eyewitness testimonials.

“It was unbelievable to see, and downright disgusting.” Said Benton Trexley, a Tampa resident who happened to be recumbent biking on the Oak Trail Path, next to the river when the incident took place.

“I was trying to get my bluetooth to work on my new Soulja Boy earpods when from the corner of my eye I catch a glimpse of the sea beast going down, or at least eating, on another man, it was gross.” Trexley stated.

The man, who is still at large, (no pun intended) was seen coaxing the animals from out of the water using heads of leafy lettuce.

“He would toss the lettuce in the water like this.” Said Kessica Plumbwump as she motioned a spreading of lettuce movement with her hands. Kessica is a homeowner with a river corner property which overlooks the Oak Trail Path and the location where the man was scene committing the heinous act.

“The manatees would come up and I guess he tricked one, or worked out a deal, where it would like, eat lettuce near his junk and then he would slip his stuff in every now and then and I don’t think the manatee knew what it was so like it would give it a little lick or whatever.” Plumbwump said explicitly.

Authorities assessed the issue but were unable to do anything about it.

“The guy got away with it, we only have a couple witnesses, nobody knows motive other than he wanted to feel good, I don’t know maybe the manatee’s mouths feel good” Laughed the Hillsborough chief of police, Devlin Manifold.

“What do I know I’m just a cop I go bang bang at the movie things that scare me!” Continued Manifold in a tone-def comedy rant.

Nothing is expected to be resolved from what transpired by the river, but health experts are telling locals not to attempt to recreate the incident.

“They have plaque in their teeth, you could get some sort of disease.” Claimed the CDC bulletin.