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Mayor Castor pardons ISIS turkey

Jane Castor pardons turkey with ties to ISIS

Mayor Jane Castor is receiving some criticism for pardoning a Thanksgiving turkey with verified ties to the terrorist organization known as ISIS.

“Image is everything and it’s a very bad look for the leader of our city. Why in the world would we ever associate our community in any way with a bunch of bloodthirsty murderers?” Says Chamber of Commerce President, Corey McCrory, as he prepared strings of beads that will be thrown from a float at the upcoming Gasparilla parade.

Mayor Castor says she had no way of knowing the bird was tainted in any way. “How does a turkey wind up in ISIS? What role or function could a turkey perform for terrorists? How are we supposed to know who the terrorists even are. It’s not like a little red thing that pops out of their skin to let you know.”

“She’s a public servant we elected to protect us,” says local resident and parking meter coin slot de-clogger Lucius McDermott. “That’s EXACTLY the kind of thing she should know about and I for one am VERY disappointed!”

Mayor Castor disagrees regarding the perceived scope of her mayoral duties. “Why am I granting pardons anyway? I’m a mayor, not the president of the United States. I have no business absolving flightless birds of guilt for alleged crimes or other legal offenses. I should have known it was nonsense when Bob Buckhorn was so emphatic when he said it was a major parts of the job.”

When reached for comment, former mayor Buckhorn said, “GOT ‘ER!”

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54