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Tampa News Force

Help Brady

How to help Tom Brady

By John Jacobs | June 30, 2022

To ensure Tom Brady has the best opportunity to win a Super Bowl again in Tampa, follow these tips to help him live the most productive and comfortable life possible. Do not drive on the road between 4-9 AM Tom likes early morning workouts, and to guarantee he doesn’t have to deal with any traffic,…

Breaking News

Kavanaugh Fleshlight

Supreme Court Justice Kavanaugh stops cleaning out fleshlight

Through the Freedom of Information act, a schedule of Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanugh’s recent visits to the urologist have been released. The nature of…

FLOTUS loves TNF

First Lady coming to Florida!

A while back last year, First Lady Jill Biden (FLOTUS for short) and Dr. Anthony Fauci visited Tampa and we submitted a request for press…

ScottBat

Rick Scott Touts New Abortion Alternative

By Josh Santos | June 25, 2022

“Today life wins!” Said Senator Rick Scott in a speech to supporters.  “Sweet precious, delicious life.” He added, followed by a direct message to women seeking abortions. “If you are thinking of having an illegal abortion, call me and I’ll show up to eat your fetus.”  Senator Scott then provided his personal cell phone number.…

Sports

Garrison Channel fish is sad that Lightning won’t three-peat

A fish that lives in Garrison Channel behind Amalie Arena is very disappointed to learn that the Tampa Bay Lightning lost 2-1 to the Colorado…

Lightning at the airport

Lightning head to Colorado early to acclimate to high altitude

The Tampa Bay Lightning left for Denver yesterday, two days early in order to adjust to the higher altitude prior to Game 5 of the…

Help Brady

How to help Tom Brady

By John Jacobs | June 30, 2022

To ensure Tom Brady has the best opportunity to win a Super Bowl again in Tampa, follow these tips to help him live the most productive and comfortable life possible. Do not drive on the road between 4-9 AM Tom likes early morning workouts, and to guarantee he doesn’t have to deal with any traffic,…

Arts and Entertainment

Nazi Yoga

Nazi Yoga ends in fist fight

The first night of Nazi Yoga at Zeitgeist Brewing in Brandon ended shortly after it began when a group of people showed up and began…

Shootings Odds

Casinos start betting on school shootings

Casinos across the country have started accepting wagers on when and where school shootings will take place. Depending on how close to the time and…

Cowell Pigs

Simon Cowell judges Strawberry Festival pig race

By John Jacobs | June 24, 2022

America’s Got Talent judge, Simon Cowell, guest judged a Strawberry Festival pig race this year, leaving audiences thoroughly entertained. His appearance came as a surprise as it was not announced on the schedule, he just happened to be visiting the festival with his daughter and decided to lend his services to the pig race that…

Government

DeSantis not sure what to do about Juneteenth

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is experiencing anxiety in anticipation of the upcoming Juneteenth holiday, which takes place on June 19th and commemorates the anniversary date…

13th Amendment

Supreme Court plans to overturn 13th amendment

A leaked document has revealed that the Supreme Court justices plan on voting to overturn the 13th amendment and legalize slavery in America once again.…

DeSantis Threat

Man terrified to wear mask at DeSantis press conference

By Clark Brooks | June 20, 2022

At a press conference earlier today in Nassau County where Florida Governor Ron DeSantis spoke about his ongoing plans for infrastructure improvements around the state, one man in attendance felt unsafe wearing a face mask. “I wanted to put it on, just to be careful because it was fairly crowded in there. I figured, ‘what’s…

Local and Community

Time

Tampa prostitute wins TIME’s Person of the Year

A Tampa prostitute named Merth has won TIME magazine’s Person of the Year title, after a unique story which has led to Tampa becoming one…

Amber Heard Coyote

Amber Heard Coyote Craps All Over Tampa

Morning after morning, local resident Ms. Cam Ille is finding her Seminole Heights home littered like a dump, as in actual crap. The tight-nitch neighborhood…

Can't turn gay

Family can’t get into Tampa Bay Area drag shows

By Clark Brooks | June 16, 2022

A family from Brandon is very upset that they’re not being allowed to attend the raunchiest, late night drag shows in the Tampa Bay Area. “This has got to be a violation of our rights or something,” said Mike Turd, the family’s patriarch. “Yes, that’s correct; our last name is Turd, which is totally a…

The Down Under Diet

By Josh Santos | July 10, 2017

From the makers of “Money” comes “The Down Under Diet!” Shed the pounds naturally, quickly!

Rejected TED Talks

By Tampa News Force | July 5, 2017

These are some of the talks that TED rejected

SCARED STRAIGHT

By Tampa News Force | July 3, 2017

Skeeter gets a lesson in tough love from a maximum security inmate

BREAKING: STORM 2017!

By Tampa News Force | July 3, 2017

Storm 2017 is coming but Romeo is going to stick it out on the boardwalk. get his mixtape on Datpiff.

Shark Books with Clark Brooks!

By Tampa News Force | July 2, 2017

Like sharks? Like books? You should like Shark Books with Clark Brooks!

DATING PROFILE – FREDDY KREUGER

By Tampa News Force | May 30, 2017

A young Freddy Kreuger putting himself out there. if interested, sorry!

John Jacobs QVC Collection!

By Tampa News Force | May 29, 2017

Please reach out if interested in any items!

ROADKILL GARAGE

By Tampa News Force | May 15, 2017

COME ON DOWN TO ROADKILL GARAGE AND EAT FRESH!

WORST POSTGAME INTERVIEW

By Tampa News Force | May 14, 2017

TOUGH POST-GAME INTERVIEW WITH THE STAR OF THE GAME WHO JUST HIT THE WINNING SHOT.

ANTI-DEPRESSANT

By Tampa News Force | May 12, 2017

ASK YOUR DOCTOR IF THIS ANTI-DEPRESSANT IS RIGHT FOR YOU