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Robles Park Haunted Zion Cemetery Attraction

Robles Park to host “Haunted Zion Cemetery” attraction

By John Jacobs | October 30, 2019

On Halloween, a haunted Zion cemetery-themed attraction will be held in Robles park, inspired by the real events of the missing 400 people lost in the Zion cemetery. “We thought it would be a good way to remind people of the atrocities which took place here while also providing fun entertainment for the children on…

Grinding made illegal in Tampa night clubs

Grinding made illegal in night clubs

By John Jacobs | October 29, 2019

A bill passed banning grinding in night clubs in Florida, specifically Tampa, citing numerous complaints of “creepiness.” Gyrating on a dance floor is still allowed, as long as there are at least 10 inches between the dancers, and no bodily contact is made for more than 3 seconds at a time, including handshakes and hugs.…

School rebranded as conversion therapy center

Tampa schools rebranding as conversion therapy centers

By Clark Brooks | October 28, 2019

The Hillsborough County Board of Education has announced that all schools within Tampa city limits will immediately be rebranded as “conversion therapy centers”. Board spokesman Ron Tickleton says, “We’re taking this step since so many people think reparative therapy, trying to change an individual’s sexual orientation from homosexual or bisexual to heterosexual using psychological or…

FBI office opens in Downtown Tampa

FBI opening branch office in Downtown Tampa

By Clark Brooks | October 27, 2019

The Federal Bureau of Investigation has announced they have purchased the Oriental Express restaurant at 510 E. Jackson Street for the purpose of turning it into a new branch office.  “There are a lot of exciting developments taking place downtown and we want to be a part of that,” says FBI spokesman Gil Ranger.  The…

Man in High Speed Chase hanging out in a field

High speed chase barrels through Tampa neighborhoods

By Clark Brooks | October 25, 2019

A high-speed car chase, like something you’d see in a movie, roared through Robles Park and Tampa Heights today, destroying property and killing numerous people. “I’m sorry, I just suddenly really wanted a watermelon,” says Burt McQueen, a lawyer who works in downtown Tampa and a participant in the chase. “I was on my way…

Tampa Traffic from the Sky

Tampa to pay drivers who are stuck in traffic

By Josh Santos | October 25, 2019

As part of a new construction plan, Tampa will now employ hundreds of homeless people to walk on the highway while traffic is stopped to give drivers $10. “We’ve been throwing money at our highways for decades, and nothing ever seems to work,” said Florida Department of Transportation (FDOT) representative Kennie Wheelis. “After our latest…

Man playing Tampa the Video Game

Tampa being turned into video game

By Clark Brooks | October 25, 2019

The city of Tampa is being turned into an immersive video game set to release on all gaming platforms in time for the holidays.  “It’s gonna be awesome,” says Mike Turbo, 36-year-old video game designer who tries to act like he’s 15 and living in 1988. “You can actually play the entire city! Gnarly!” Players…

Two dogs by a business in Tampa

First Dog Owned Business opens in Tampa

By Josh Santos | October 25, 2019

Jazzy was a retired Greyhound dog with no where to go after the dog race ban. “Bark, bark,” said Jazzy between chewing on a fake bone.  Jazzy was part of the gifted dog program and she is one of the only canines able to communicate with humans using an Ouija board.  “Bark, bark,” she said,…

Old man sad no one else showed up to drive around with him

Nostalgia fan disappointed with cruising at Al Lopez Park

By Clark Brooks | October 24, 2019

Bob Adler, proud owner of a red 1957 Ford Thunderbird in near-mint condition is deeply disappointed with an attempt to cruise Tampa’s Al Lopez Park.  “Total waste of time,” said Adler. “I searched Google for ‘best places to cruise’ in Tampa and was referred to a bunch of different web sites. Many of them mentioned…

Stripper and Fireworks museum opens

Fireworks & Strip Clubs Museum opens in Largo

By John Jacobs | October 24, 2019

A museum celebrating the history of strip clubs and fireworks opened in Largo yesterday to an enthusiastic crowd of locals. The state-of-the-art facility takes guests on an immersive tour through multiple corridors, beginning with a simulated cornfield in which the first fireworks were invented in 1832 China. Later in the tour, guests are introduced to…