Tampa News Force
Breaking News
Controversy surrounding statue of brainless Kennedy in convertible on Kennedy Blvd
Conspiracy theory from the art world!
Sports
Tampa News Force Sports Analysts Break Down Lightning’s Loss to Calgary on “Pride Night”
Who’s right? Who’s wrong? 🏒🥅🌈
Arts and Entertainment
Busch Gardens Tampa announces birth of endangered orangutan, now it’s all they talk about
Are you excited to meet the new baby? 🦧
Government
Tampa to Replace Speed Limit Signs with Thumbs-Up Emoji
Slow down, speed up, whatever you want to do is fine!
Florida Prison Guard Unable to Afford Rent, Commits Crime to Sleep in Prison
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Local and Community
Babies Prohibited from Crying on Water Street
At least there’s one place in town you can go and enjoy peace and quiet 👶
Scientists have discovered that the climate in the Tampa area contains a specific atmosphere which is especially conducive to the potential action of female ejaculation. In what’s being called an “overtly over-sexual and unnecessary” study by city officials, was somehow able to take place after a drunken contract signing dating back to 2007. Criminal records…
A federal judge in Florida has struck down a ban on widely discredited “ex-gay” conversion therapy in Tampa, ruling the city lacks jurisdiction to enact the ordinance. In a 41-page decision, U.S. District Judge William Jung, a Trump appointee, asserted that Tampa overreached in matters reserved for the state legislature. “Well, shit,” said former mayor…
A man who was recently taken into custody for calling over 180,000 people in the Tampa-bay area is claiming that the phone calls were an accident and only happened because of his chronic butt dialing condition. “Yeah my ass has fingers and whenever I sit down, my ass will unlock my phone and call people,”…
Gary Humboldt, who does something for one of the companies that has offices on one of the upper floors in the Bank of America building, hates the new vanilla-scented air freshener the building’s housekeeping staff has started using in the restrooms. “The first time I smelled it, I was like ‘Woah!’” Says Humboldt. “I thought…
Justin Rooper, a sophomore at the University of South Florida, has been disowned by his family for taking a part-time job with 717 Parking. “This is it, the last straw. No son of mine…” says Todd Rooper, Justin’s father, before being overwhelmed by grief and anger. His wife Carol patted her husband’s shoulder and said,…
In what was described as a particularly long wait time to use the self-checkout at the Walmart on Fletcher Avenue, nearly 150 customers stood in line for nearly three hours before being allowed to leave the store with their purchased goods. “I got in line and went to scan one of the things in my…
Controversial web show host Alex Jones had a soft opening for his new muffin shop “Conspiracy Cakes” on 7th avenue in Ybor yesterday. The bakery features an assortment of goods that come with conspiracy theory brochures attached, ranging from the JFK assassination debriefings attached to a lemon marang pie, all the way to a flip…
With all three of Tampa Bay’s major league professional sports franchises currently active, Gerald Humfahrt of St. Petersburg, a self-described “die hard bandwagoner” says he doesn’t know which team he should be ignoring. “I’ve been ignoring the Rays since March, so that seems like the easiest, most natural option. But they’re in the playoffs so…
Megachurch pastor, Wally B. Hartwallace was very happy upon hearing the latest verdict striking down the City of Tampa’s ban on conversion therapy. “I had already bought the land right here in the heart of Downtown Tampa,” said Pastor Hartwallace who is also a host of the popular Christian AM Talk Show. The pastor had…
The “massage salons” along Kennedy Boulevard in Tampa have announced that they will be working together to host an open house for people unfamiliar with their establishments. Tampa Bay Convention and Visitors Bureau spokesperson Diana Dington says the city supports the event. “As a city, we’re among the national leaders in human trafficking and any…