Skip to content

“Open corruption” initiative takes effect in government


A new initiative amongst the entire government encouraging its employees to be “open and honest about corruption” has officially gone underway.

“All politicians on every level are now required to be honest about the dishonest things they do in penalty of being fired.” Said Debrah Demoykins, speaker of the Government Regulations Organization, a group I had never heard of before and am pretty sure has never been publicly acknowledged.

“We realized we do so many morally-questionable things, to put it lightly, that we figured, ‘oh, a big weight off our chest and consciousness would be if we stopped having to hold in all the guilt from lying.’ It was right then and there that we came up with the open corruption policy.” Beautifully said Demoykins.

“See, there’s another spiritual realm that exists, and when you lie or do things that would accumulate bad karma, this effects your spiritual energy, and that’s what stresses some of our employees out the most. They say, ‘please don’t make me do this, it will hurt many people in the town, I don’t feel right doing it,’ and while that feeling won’t entirely go away, it will definitely be lightened by being honest about it. For example if we’ve told an employee they need to tell the city that we’re going to be de-regulating pollution laws that effect their drinking water, instead of them hiding that fact in empty speeches about ‘building jobs’ and ‘bringing money to the economy’, now they can just be honest and say, ‘I was told I have to do this or I would be fired and there’s nothing we can do to stop it, we all have to accept this result together.’ Now the employee doesn’t feel so bad. Because they’ve communicated that they are bought and paid for and have no control over what actually happens. That relieves some of their stress.” Boykins explained to just me alone in a room with her.

My laptop died after I finished that last paragraph which definitely threw off my train of thought, but it did make me paranoid for a split second because I was like “damn I was writing jokes about corruption and then my laptop immediately died, they’re watching me!” And while that’s most likely not true, I think that’s good for the government that they’ve got us that scared. People get paranoid all the time of the government, I mean look at the reaction to the vaccine. A lot of people’s instinct is to not trust the government! The presidents approval rating is always around like 40%, most people do not like the state of the country, that’s what those polls are saying.

But yea, nothing wrong with that! You don’t like it, move! You don’t like capitalism? Use some of your capital… and bounce! Don’t like it, get out!

Anyways, back to the article.

Demoykins then pulled her dress up and asked, “You want to eat it?”

Hold on, let me go back and read what the article was about before I stared back up again

Oh yea.

Demoykins said, “We’re the group of people who actually do the stuff and I’m sorry I’m not finishing this article, you already got the point and I mean you know, does it really help talking about it? I mean, you know, it is what it is and most likely it will just be becoming more and more what it is and we will just have to accept what it is, no matter what it is.”

And I said, “Wow miss Demoykins that’s a really interseting thing to say! Who were you even talking to there because that didn’t make any sense to me what you just said.”

“Oh, you poor little plebeian. You’re going to end up just like all the others throughout the history of time. It’ll be fun to watch though!” Demoykins smiled sincerely at me with a glint of hope in her eyes.

“I have no idea what you’re saying to me!” I said gleefully with contempt for my soul.

“Of course you don’t” Demoykins winked at me.

Then I left this secret little room that was ten stories under the metro station and I went outside and got a hot dog from one of those carts.

The guy was like “Hot dog! Hot dog!” And I joked, “I know what it is sir.” Laughing.

He sucker-punched me in the side of the leg but broke his own finger on impact, reeling back in pain, then sucking the finger he hurt in his mouth.

“Ouchhh owwwiee ouchhh.” Went the hot dog guy.

“Yea, well, you hit me, so that’s what you get I guess.” I said, unconfidently, because I don’t like interacting.

“Well, I guess I learned my lesson.” The hot dog guy said, sitting on the sidewalk, looking up at me and shielding his eyes from the sun with his other arm.

“What did you learn?” I asked, because I was curious what he had learned and I wasn’t just trying to but time so I could figure out what I was about to write that the made-up guy learned.

“I learned…”

He stopped and thought some more for a second.

Then he swung at me and took another sucker punch towards the bottom of my heel, as I had lifted my shoe up in defense.

“Holy hell!” I shouted in fear.

It scared me so bad I had to stop writing and watch Scarface on Tubi for free on my couch on my Roku TV. Watching it again I’m seeing so many great things I didn’t notice before. This dialogue is unreal. What a situation for everyone to be involved in. What a predicament. Old boss passes on game to the new guy and the new guy just like is going to rock him but it’s because he was forcing him to break his one rule. He had a moral line and decided that for no price is that ok. And that’s admirable. That’s probably why people love the character so much. And God I miss him. We’ve never once gotten a Scarface impression out of Al Pacino.

He refuses to every even jokingly do that voice again. I’ve watched every Al Pacino interview in search of him doing the Tony Montana voice, because I love it so much, and he never does it. What I would give to hear Al Pacino do Tony Montana right now. I can dream. I, myself, do Al Pacino Scarface impressions constantly around my house, and in public, and on stage. I had planned to do it on my last TV appearance, but I forgot during the filming. Scarface is good. White Chicks is good. Both for different reasons but some for the same. Ok goodnight. Or good morning, or good afternoon, those are the only 3 states of time you can exist in.

There are no other states. It’s beginning middle or end and everyone decides which is which. We’ve all got 3. Different orders, different times, and that’s just how the dusty trail goes, you walk it, or it walks you.

Sorry Scarface has gotten into my head he’s influencing my personality. I just watched him hit on the bosses wife, this guy is out of his mind.

Ok I’m out.

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds