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Protestor turns out to just be hungry





A woman who had chained herself to a public bike rack over the unfair treatment of El Salvadorian migrants unchained herself after realizing that she wasn’t actually upset about the migrants’ treatment, and that she was actually just hungry.

“I felt this feeling inside of me that something was wrong, and I was all fired up, and I thought it was because of the indecent treatment of the El Salvadorian migrants in the US, but after my husband showed up with a box of Popeyes biscuits, I realized that it was just my tummy growling and I was actually just hungry.” Explained Ingrid Delaire, a full-time housewife.

“I was confused. You know sometimes I spend too much time indoors, watching TV, and doing my crafts, that I forget how great my life is and I just look for stuff to be mad about, mostly something small my husband did, but this time I really lost it. I’m just going to stick to drinking and pills.” Laughed Delaire.

“She’s great to have sex with.” Said Michael Delaire, Ingrid’s husband.

“That’s why I put up with her shit. If she was any less hot, I would have definitely kicked her to the curb. A few weeks ago she claimed she wanted to become a transexual man and get a sex change surgery, but it turned out she was just upset after stubbing her toe on the wood corner of our hot tub. She cooled down after a few minutes and realized she didn’t want to become a trans man, and that was actually just annoyed at her toe pain. Classic liberal.” Delaire shrugged before holding his wife close and giving her a smooch.

“Crisis averted!” Joked Ingrid, before doing a hand stand for 15 seconds straight before falling awkwardly and getting her hair stuck in the trunk of an Subaru Hatchback.

“Ouch my hair!” Ingrid screeched.

“I need to join the Ukrainian military!” She complained loudly.

“Here we go again.” Said Michael, before handing his wife another Popeyes biscuit and watching her chow down on it.

Now this story right here is about a few things. How people get upset when they’re hungry or slightly annoyed. The dynamic between a husband and a wife. And the laziness of a fake news reporter. It was a perfect storm for an article and I couldn’t help but jump right at it and gnaw my proverbial teeth on it, drilling down on what made it so enticing. Yum, what a nice story to write. I feel alright. Yes I do. In fact, I feel so good, that I’m sending an E bike to the first 15 readers of this story. Just comment your address below, and I’ll send you a brand new E bike, on the house. That’s just the kind of mood I’m in. Post those addresses below! 

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds

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