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Sinkhole aliens show up for early voting

Pasco County Early Voter

Today marks the start of early voting in Florida. Experts expect a record turnout after more than 25 million citizens in other states have already gone to the polls.

In early October, a sinkhole opened up in Trinity on Little Road in front of Varsity Club Sports Bar. Since its inception, officials say the sinkhole has continued to grow. Currently, it measures about 45 feet in diameter and 130 feet deep.

Throughout the day today, voters on their way to the polls made hundreds of calls to the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office. Reports came in of “aliens shooting out of the sinkhole and crawling toward the Pasco County Government Center.” Many reported that the aliens looked like or were disguised as “the elderliest of the elderly,” some saying they were “at least 200 years old.”

Reportedly, the aliens were anti-maskers, forcing poll workers to wear heavy-duty masks, face shields and Hazmat suits.

One worker, Pauline Shakers, recounted an incident that she was disappointed in, but not surprised by: “An alien and his daughter came to the door, oblivious to the line forming around the building. The alien could barely walk even with his walker. The woman told him to sit in the lobby, until she caught up to him in line, and put on his mask. He sat down, coughed, exhaled and then put on a Florida Gators mask. Several people got out of line and went home to shower.” Shakers called her husband and told him to buy a power washer before she got home. She anticipated today would be her last day.

On the way home from the polls, voters described seeing the aliens crawling back toward the sinkhole. When one went back in, two blasted out. Those that didn’t return to the hole day drank at the bar next door.

Taylor Cuzino

About Taylor Cuzino

Taylor Cuzino is a comedic writer whose dream in life is to write for sitcoms. She has stupid tattoos and loves bulldogs. In her free time, you can catch her sleeping and shopping at Target.

1 Comment

  1. Avatar Mileva Maric on October 19, 2020 at 6:52 pm

    Great story! Great graphics!