With the nation facing a critical shortage of baby formula, two men in St. Petersburg are offering what they claim is an adequate, temporary substitute.
“Yeah, we can hook you up, young moms and dads but especially moms, said Sonny Jennings. “We are the milk pimps.”
Jennings said that he and his partner have developed a healthy, delicious hybrid formula substitute which is comprised of what they’re calling a secret combination of milk, human breast milk, gasoline (which they claim is basically the same thing), sawdust (“For fiber”, they say) and various herbs and seasonings.
“I’m fortunate in that my business partner Jewy Jeff (not to be confused with the local radio personality) and I just happen to know a bunch of cows, which is what we call women who produce their own milk,” he said. “We take that and cut it with these other things to create a good-enough replacement that will get you through until the government decides to open the supply chain, which they’ll have to do eventually to account for all these extra babies that are going to be popping up everywhere real soon.”
“But until then, come and see ya boys, Sonny J and Jewy Jeff (not to be confused with the local radio personality)! We’re the milk pimps, baby!”
Jennings and his not to be confused with the local radio personality business partner can be found selling their product at never the same location twice at various spots around Pinellas County.