Leo Burnham, a resident of St. Petersburg and the owner of a larger-than-average penis, was recently turned away by an auto dealer after attempting to purchase a Ford F-650.
“Nope. Sorry. Can’t do it. Won’t do it. You don’t need it,” said Curt Shinz, a salesman at Pushee Ford on St. Pete Beach. “Those are for guys like me. I need one of those.”
“I have one of those.”
Confused, Burnham asked Shinz what he was talking about.
“You would never know from my gun collection and my fondness for smoking cigars, but I actually have a micropenis,” Shinz whispered confidentially. “What would you ever use it for? To haul your balls around? I use mine to go hunting and to the gym.”
Burnham asked Shinz what made him think he had a large penis and he replied, “Oh please, look at the way you walk. You’re packing. I walk exactly like that, but for me, it’s a self-conscious and transparent attempt to fool people. You do it unironically because you’re packing.”
Burnham made one final plea to convince him that he needed the truck because he owns a landscaping business and hauls heavy equipment around every day.
“Yeah, I’m sure you do,” said Shinz before trying to sell Burnham a Ford Fiesta.