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Jake Paul set to fight Obama pardoned Turkey at Amalie Arena!

turkey fight

YouTube internet sensation turned professional money grab boxing douche, Jake Paul has his sights set to gobble up some serious Pay-Per-View profits this holiday season. Often criticized for his startling, if not obvious cash grab boxing matchups, some sports aficionados say Paul (25) is a complete tool bag mommy cuck who can’t or won’t fight…

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Lightning to wear special edition reverse-hetero jerseys tonight

Reverse Hetero

The Tampa Bay Lightning will wear their brand-new, special edition “reverse-hetero” uniforms tonight in their game against the Carolina Hurricanes at Amalie Arena. “We already have a Pride Night every season that brings out the dumbest remarks from the stupidest people. We figured this would be a good way to engage… and enrage… those idiots,”…

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New park opens in downtown Tampa

New Park

Tampa’s latest downtown park has opened at the corner of Morgan Street and Channelside Drive, across the street from Amalie Arena. “Communication Park” occupies approximately two square yards of greenspace near the new Water Street development district and is dominated by a large round metal sculpture titled ‘COMMUNICATION’. “We think the art sends a powerful…

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Local rando opens for Kendrick Lamar

Kendrick Opener

Some random dude opened for rapper, songwriter, and record producer Kendrick Lamar, frequently cited as one of the most influential artists of his generation, at a concert last night at Amalie Arena in Tampa. The guy directly called the arena yesterday and asked to open for the 14-time Grammy Award winning artist in town as…

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Lightning goal horn sounds prematurely again

Goal Horn

At last night’s NHL Eastern Conference Final game between the Tampa Bay Lightning and New York Rangers, which the Lightning won 4-1 to even the best-of-seven series at two games apiece, the goal horn went off after a shot from Lightning defenseman Jan Ruuta went wide of the net at the 14:50 mark of the…

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Andreychuk statue tired of being molested

Andreychuk statue

The statue of former Tampa Bay Lightning captain and NHL Hall of Famer Dave Andreychuk near the entrance to Amalie Arena has had enough of being touched inappropriately without consent. “Thousands of people pass by me every week and most of them are respectful and polite. They’ll stop and take pictures with me and I’m…

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Bunch of idiots stand in line for no reason

Bunch of idiots

Right now, there are a whole bunch of idiots standing in line at Amalie Arena, waiting for the doors to open at 6pm prior to tonight’s Tool concert. Some of these idiots have been in line since yesterday morning, when it was raining with temperatures in the low 40s. You can drive by right now…

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Outkast’s Big Boi working as usher at Amalie Arena

Big Boi

Antwon “Big Boi” Patton, half of the influential hip hop duo Outkast has been spotted working events at Amalie Arena in downtown Tampa as an usher. “Not for much longer, though,” he said, as he assisted patrons in finding their seats at the recent Jimmy Buffett concert held there. “Once I finish paying off this…

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Lightning dress code expanded to accept anything

Amalie Arena New Dress Code

In the wake of a recent incident captured on video of Amalie Arena staff members attempting to enforce a dress code policy that went viral on line, the arena has announced that the parameters of the policy have been broadened and will now allow patrons to wear anything they want. The previous policy was as…

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