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St. Pete man assaulted for misidentifying dog


Pete Wieters of St. Petersburg was punched in the face yesterday for misidentifying the breed of a woman’s dog. “She had a really cute dog and all I did was ask her if it was a Frenchy, a French Bulldog,” he said. “Next thing I know, she clocks me.” “I get that all the time…

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Surly barista hates serving your dog

Surly Barista

19-year-old Caroline Schwartz of Temple Terrace hates everything about her job at Starbucks, but really hates having to make ‘pup cups’ for patrons who have dogs. “It’s bad enough that I have to do what people tell me, like, they’re better than me and I have to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ because I’m paid…

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Family pet foils school shooting

Pet dachshund

Plans for a public school mass shooting were thwarted by a plucky pooch in Palma Ceia! A young man whose name is being withheld by authorities due to him being a minor who never actually carried out a crime but is named Calvin Mooshtock was in the middle of broadcasting a threatening message about what…

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Tampa dog approves of Christmas

Christmas Dog

Piccolo, a Corgi who lives near Oldsmar, has decided that Christmas is pretty good. “I can’t speak for all dogs, but I think it’s nice”, he said. “I know some dogs hate wearing the goofy outfits and that there is a lot of noise and commotion, which can cause anxiety. I get that and I…

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Carrollwood man just really wants to eat dog food

Brandon Salazar of Carrollwood has wanted his not-quite-secret desire to eat dog food to be socially acceptable for a long time and believes that increasingly desperate attempts to deal with the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic might finally make that possible. “Hear me out; dogs can’t get The ‘Rona, right? And what do dogs eat? Dog food,”…

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New Mayor Bans Fireworks in Tampa

Tampa, FL– A newly-elected mayor has banned fireworks in Tampa for the foreseeable future. The mayor, simply named “Mr. Ruffins,” has decreed that fireworks are a scourge on society and will not be tolerated in any form. Mr. Ruffins held a press conference in front of more than 300 Tampa Bay residents (mostly dogs) who…

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