Posts Tagged ‘Downtown Tampa’
Beer Can Building no longer branded as Sykes
The Beer Can Building, the iconic 454-foot-tall cylindrical skyscraper in downtown Tampa is no longer branded with Sykes Enterprises, which means people who were calling it the Sykes Building can go back to calling it the Beer Can Building. Sykes Enterprises was sold to a global customer service company based in Miami, the Sitel Group,…
Read More717 Parking Enterprises creates ‘717 Parking Enterprises II’
Jason Accardi, President and CEO of Seven One Seven Parking Enterprises, announced yesterday that a new company has been formed: 717 Parking Enterprises II. “People are liable to hear this and think this is some sort of lawsuit or tax dodge, to escape some sort of legal punishment for conducting shady business, ala President Trump,”…
Read MoreNew park opens in downtown Tampa
Tampa’s latest downtown park has opened at the corner of Morgan Street and Channelside Drive, across the street from Amalie Arena. “Communication Park” occupies approximately two square yards of greenspace near the new Water Street development district and is dominated by a large round metal sculpture titled ‘COMMUNICATION’. “We think the art sends a powerful…
Read MoreRangers fan wants to know where all the stuff they have in New York is
Lonnie Keith, who lives in Brooklyn, is in Tampa to watch the Eastern Conference Final between the New York Rangers and the Tampa Bay Lightning and can’t seem to find any of the things he can find in abundance in New York. “Yo, where’s the subway? You’ze don’t got no public transportation over here?” he…
Read MoreRogue pedestrian crosswalk sign responds to commands
The newly installed pedestrian crosswalk sign at the intersection of Morgan Street and Channelside Drive in downtown Tampa actually responds when the “push to cross” button is pressed… for now. “What?!? No!! That’s impossible!” said Tampa Director of Pedestrian Foot Traffic Jonathan Chillbrain. “Those buttons are supposed to pacify people waiting to cross streets, thinking…
Read MoreDowntown Tampa traffic lights to be timed at 15-minute intervals
The City of Tampa has announced that the traffic signals at all intersections downtown will now be timed to last for 15 minutes, effective immediately. “It’s being done to reduce stress,” said Andy Blibfwitch, the city’s Director of Vehicular Traffic Patterns. “People get so worked up waiting for lights to change when they’re in a…
Read MoreCrypto Sex Parlor Opens in Tampa
A new nightlife hotspot in Downtown Tampa is promising guests their wildest fantasies in exchange for cryptocurrency. “I bought DOGECOIN when it was worth less than a penny,” said 19-year-old Garret “SwiftTips” DeLuce while inspecting his fingernails. “Let’s just say I’m a millionaire now.” He then rubbed his Doritos Locos dust encrusted fingers on the…
Read MoreNew downtown Tampa public transportation option proposed
Ever since The Downtowner ceased operation in downtown Tampa on April 30, visitors and residents have been without an inexpensive rideshare option for short trips. “Until now, bitches!!”, said Maximus Uberlyfter, owner and CEO of XXTreme Rydez, before screaming, “Gi gi gi gi gi gi gi gi! Gow! Gow! Gow!”, like Steven Tyler in ‘Dude…
Read MoreTampa man chagrined after mocking statue of beloved local icon
Ted Chiddleston of Seminole Heights is feeling highly embarrassed and ashamed of himself after making snide remarks about a statue in downtown Tampa. He was traveling west on Brorein Street, heading toward Bayshore Boulevard when he stopped at a traffic light at the intersection of Florida Avenue. As he was waiting for the light to…
Read MoreLeast Pleasant Downtown Tampa Activities
There are a number of things to do in downtown Tampa that are not enjoyable. The city is something of an engineering marvel in that most of these disagreeable pursuits are directly related to one another. The kind of synchronized inconvenience, lack of amenities and implications of potential menace required to be so unpleasant takes…
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