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Energy harvested from un-reset microwave powers office building


Truist Place, formerly SunTrust Financial Centre, a skyscraper office building in downtown Tampa, has been completely rewired to draw power from a previously untapped source of alternate energy: the unused time from microwave ovens in company breakrooms. “What happens is somebody will set the microwave for three minutes to heat up some soup or a…

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Beer Can Building no longer branded as Sykes

The Beer Can Building, the iconic 454-foot-tall cylindrical skyscraper in downtown Tampa is no longer branded with Sykes Enterprises, which means people who were calling it the Sykes Building can go back to calling it the Beer Can Building. Sykes Enterprises was sold to a global customer service company based in Miami, the Sitel Group,…

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717 Parking Enterprises creates ‘717 Parking Enterprises II’


Jason Accardi, President and CEO of Seven One Seven Parking Enterprises, announced yesterday that a new company has been formed: 717 Parking Enterprises II. “People are liable to hear this and think this is some sort of lawsuit or tax dodge, to escape some sort of legal punishment for conducting shady business, ala President Trump,”…

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New park opens in downtown Tampa

New Park

Tampa’s latest downtown park has opened at the corner of Morgan Street and Channelside Drive, across the street from Amalie Arena. “Communication Park” occupies approximately two square yards of greenspace near the new Water Street development district and is dominated by a large round metal sculpture titled ‘COMMUNICATION’. “We think the art sends a powerful…

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Rogue pedestrian crosswalk sign responds to commands


The newly installed pedestrian crosswalk sign at the intersection of Morgan Street and Channelside Drive in downtown Tampa actually responds when the “push to cross” button is pressed… for now. “What?!? No!! That’s impossible!” said Tampa Director of Pedestrian Foot Traffic Jonathan Chillbrain. “Those buttons are supposed to pacify people waiting to cross streets, thinking…

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Downtown Tampa traffic lights to be timed at 15-minute intervals

Downtown Tampa

The City of Tampa has announced that the traffic signals at all intersections downtown will now be timed to last for 15 minutes, effective immediately. “It’s being done to reduce stress,” said Andy Blibfwitch, the city’s Director of Vehicular Traffic Patterns. “People get so worked up waiting for lights to change when they’re in a…

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Crypto Sex Parlor Opens in Tampa

Crypto Sex Parlor

A new nightlife hotspot in Downtown Tampa is promising guests their wildest fantasies in exchange for cryptocurrency. “I bought DOGECOIN when it was worth less than a penny,” said 19-year-old Garret “SwiftTips” DeLuce while inspecting his fingernails. “Let’s just say I’m a millionaire now.” He then rubbed his Doritos Locos dust encrusted fingers on the…

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