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Super Bowl inspires terrible Tampa Bay band

The Buccaneers making it to Super Bowl LV has many Tampa Bay residents fired up, including one particularly awful local band. “Any time a team makes it to the Super Bowl, bands in that team’s town write and record an anthemic hype song for fans and players to rally behind”, says Corey Slinkter, front man…

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Golf cart company severs some contact with The Villages

Pete’s Puttering Putt-Putts, a luxury golf cart dealership in Largo would like the general public to know that they no longer do any business whatsoever with customers who reside in The Villages. “We’d like people to know that,” says Pete Putterman, owner and CEO. “But it isn’t true. Are you kidding? That’s the source of…

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Uber Eats driver is most trusted healthcare professional in Tampa Bay

A recent poll of consumer satisfaction trends indicates that Ryan Milger, a delivery driver for Uber Eats, is considered the most trustworthy healthcare professional in the Tampa Bay region. “You can’t trust doctors and nurses these days,” says Beverly Rimsworth of Dunedin. “Doctors make money from people being classified as being sick. Food delivery drivers…

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Dunedin man severely beaten for not washing his hands

Dummies in Dunedin

Jim Philfer of Dunedin was attacked upon exiting a public restroom by a mob of angry people because he didn’t wash his hands. Philfer, a Rob Lowe-lookin’ motherfucker, says, “I was on a date, eating dinner at Casa Tina with this hot blonde whose name escapes me, and I excused myself to visit the men’s…

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Dunedin woman misses obvious relationship metaphors in video game

Woman misunderstands video game messages

Katherine Kemler of Dunedin does not understand why her boyfriend keeps killing her avatar when they play the popular video game, “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare”. Matthew Davis, also of Dunedin, kills Kemler almost every time they play the game, often several times within an evening of gameplay. “He thinks it’s like the funniest thing…

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