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Thousands prepare to flock to state they say they can’t stand

As traditional social activities begin resuming under somewhat “normal”, pre-COVID conditions, many people who claim to hate the state of Florida are making plans to visit the state of Florida. “Man, everything about that place is straight-up trash, with meth and STD’s everywhere”, said Chad Wheeley, a sophomore at Syracuse University. “And I can not…

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Elderly St. Pete woman backs DeSantis vaccine policies

Old lady

Valerie Mondeburt of St. Petersburg is a senior citizen who has not been able to sign up for the COVID-19 vaccine, something for which she does not blame Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. “How anyone can blame him for this is beyond me”, she said. “He’s doing the best he can and putting Florida seniors first.…

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Dunedin man severely beaten for not washing his hands

Dummies in Dunedin

Jim Philfer of Dunedin was attacked upon exiting a public restroom by a mob of angry people because he didn’t wash his hands. Philfer, a Rob Lowe-lookin’ motherfucker, says, “I was on a date, eating dinner at Casa Tina with this hot blonde whose name escapes me, and I excused myself to visit the men’s…

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