Posts Tagged ‘Florida Governor’
DeSantis bans February
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced early this morning that effective immediately the month of February is illegal throughout the state. “The month of January will now be 45 days long and will be known as Janmaxuary and March will also be 45 days and shall be referred to as MarchUltra,” the Governor declared. “All the…
Read MoreRick Scott shares New Years kiss with fleshlight
Former disgraced Florida Governor, and current Florida Senator, Rick Scott, was caught sharing a New Years kiss with a fleshlight, during a party a the Senators mansion. “Yea he just walked out during the countdown with this dripping sex toy, then gave it a big tongue kiss when the clock hit zero. It was pretty…
Read MoreThe State of Florida Guide on how to get rid of unwanted migrants
(Reposted as a public service on behalf of the Florida State Government as interpreted by Governor Ron DeSantis who is totally not a tyrant.) Do you have a problem with migrants infesting your neighborhood, raping and murdering you? Of course you do. Don’t bother looking out the window to see for yourself; take our word…
Read More“Don’t say incest” bill passes in Florida
The Family Togetherness Act, also known as the “don’t say incest” bill has passed in Florida congress with a vote of 4-3, making it illegal for teachers to mention incest in any government school building. The bill which highlights issues of families struggling with incestual relationships between parents who were born brother and sister who…
Read MoreCharlie Crist changes name to connect with evangelical Christians
In an effort to appeal to conservative voters in the upcoming election for Florida governor, Democratic Party nominee Charlie Crist has changed his name to Chuckie Christ. “It occurred to me that some people might not realize that I’m a direct descendant of The Original Guy,” he said. “He’s actually my uncle, from Nazareth, which…
Read MoreTNF post-primary preview in review
Following Tuesday’s tightly contested 2022 Florida Democratic Party gubernatorial primary between Rep. Charlie Crist and Florida Agricultural Commissioner Nikki Fried (and apparently two other people nobody ever heard of), here are the official analysis and endorsements from Tampa News Force, which probably would have suited you better if it came out yesterday or even earlier.…
Read MoreNew challenger enters gubernatorial race
A surprise latecomer has declared their intention to run for governor in Florida’s 2022 election. “My name is Sandy McNipplering and I’m new”, said the mysterious stranger. “I mean, I’m from here, right here in Florida, like my whole life. Otherwise how would I be eligible to run for governor? Ha ha! But you couldn’t…
Read MoreDeSantis hooks up with journalist he argued with
Governor Ron DeSantis has confirmed he engaged in a relationship of sexual nature with Rosa Flores, the CNN journalist he argued with during a televised press conference the other day. “Yea, that was kind of like foreplay for us.” DeSantis said. “We pretend we don’t like each other and it makes it hotter once we…
Read MoreRon DeSantis preemptively buys Rat Bastards.com domain name
The office of Governor Ron DeSantis has acquired numerous domain names to preemptively stop any trolling, including Rat Bastards.com, Mole Rat Governor.com, Sniveling Failure.com, and Worst Governor Ever.com, to name a few amongst the hundreds bought. “The Governor was worried people might use those platforms to gather and ridicule him in a public forum, and…
Read MoreGovernor Desantis declares Florida a State of Emergen-C®
Tampa Social Club – Hillsborough County – Sunday 2.24.2019 Speaking to a standing room crowd at Tampa’s most prestigious social club, Florida Governor Ron Desantis started by thanking the crowd and then coughed…for a while. One of his aides rushed to the stage and handed him a cup of water. He reached for the cup…
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