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New challenger enters gubernatorial race

Not Cuomo

A surprise latecomer has declared their intention to run for governor in Florida’s 2022 election. “My name is Sandy McNipplering and I’m new”, said the mysterious stranger. “I mean, I’m from here, right here in Florida, like my whole life. Otherwise how would I be eligible to run for governor? Ha ha! But you couldn’t…

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DeSantis hooks up with journalist he argued with

Passion between Ron and CNN

Governor Ron DeSantis has confirmed he engaged in a relationship of sexual nature with Rosa Flores, the CNN journalist he argued with during a televised press conference the other day. “Yea, that was kind of like foreplay for us.” DeSantis said. “We pretend we don’t like each other and it makes it hotter once we…

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Ron DeSantis preemptively buys Rat Bastards.com domain name

The office of Governor Ron DeSantis has acquired numerous domain names to preemptively stop any trolling, including Rat Bastards.com, Mole Rat Governor.com, Sniveling Failure.com, and Worst Governor Ever.com, to name a few amongst the hundreds bought. “The Governor was worried people might use those platforms to gather and ridicule him in a public forum, and…

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Governor Desantis declares Florida a State of Emergen-C®

Tampa Social Club – Hillsborough County – Sunday 2.24.2019 Speaking to a standing room crowd at Tampa’s most prestigious social club, Florida Governor Ron Desantis started by thanking the crowd and then coughed…for a while. One of his aides rushed to the stage and handed him a cup of water. He reached for the cup…

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