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St. Pete man becomes Ally to meet chicks

Danny Wolffer, a heterosexual, cisgender man from St. Petersburg has found himself deeply moved by Pride Month this year and as a result, is declaring that he is an Ally, a person who supports equal rights, gender equality, and LGBTQ social movements. “Look, women love gay guys, right? Everybody knows that,” he said. “Well, look…

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Tampa Pride taking new, unorthodox direction in leadership

New Leader

At last night’s monthly board meeting of Tampa Pride, the organization appointed a new and highly unconventional leader, Tony Capozio, a heterosexual cis male from New Jersey with experience in managing labor disputes. The organization was thrown into turmoil last week when a high-ranking board member made disparaging remarks toward drag performers, remarks which have…

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Lightning to wear special edition reverse-hetero jerseys tonight

Reverse Hetero

The Tampa Bay Lightning will wear their brand-new, special edition “reverse-hetero” uniforms tonight in their game against the Carolina Hurricanes at Amalie Arena. “We already have a Pride Night every season that brings out the dumbest remarks from the stupidest people. We figured this would be a good way to engage… and enrage… those idiots,”…

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Governor DeSantis accidentally says ‘gay’

Ronnie Gay

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis mistakenly used the word ‘gay’ yesterday and is now terminally homosexual. He was attending a formal fundraising dinner event in Clearwater and was telling those assembled that they should pray before they began eating, but had heard an Elton John song on the radio on his way to the function, causing…

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Straight guy refuses to ride gay bus to Gayville

Gay Pride Bus

St. Petersburg’s Gary Glanderson disrupted a Pinellas Suncoast Transit Authority (PSTA) route briefly Tuesday afternoon when he refused to board a bus decorated in observance of the recently completed St. Pete Pridefest 2021. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell is this?”, Glanderson exclaimed when the rainbow-wrapped Route 9 bus pulled up to the stop at…

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Homophobes threaten to not use local bridges lit up for Pride

Sunshine Skyway

Following a decision from the office of Florida Governor Ron DeSantis to override recent Florida Department of Transportation policies to not light local bridges in honor of Gay Pride month, local homophobes are threatening to boycott the Sunshine Skyway and other spans. “First of all, I’m not a homophobe”, said Denny Knockwurst of St. Petersburg.…

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Ron DeSantis Tells Faggots to Suck It Up

DeSantis PRIDE

Continuing his promise to make life impossible for gays in Florida, Ron DeSantis today announced that along with defunding the mental health care for Pulse nightclub shooting survivors, he will personally call each and every one of them to tell them to suck it up. “I get it, you faggots had a bad night a…

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