Posts Tagged ‘Jane Castor’
REPORT: City’s efforts to fend off Taylor Swift have failed
Tampa City Emergency Officials have announced that in spite of their best efforts that they have been unable to contain Taylor Swift and that citizens should take necessary steps to save themselves because the city is in imminent danger. “We thought that we had her contained within Raymond James Stadium, the area’s biggest – and…
Read MoreTaylor Swift Fires Jane Castor After Accepting Mayorship
In a stunning turn of events, the newly appointed Mayor for the City of Tampa has fired the democratically elected mayor. “When I asked Taylor Swift to be our mayor for a day, I thought it would a fun photoshoot opportunity,” said Castor as she cleaned out her desk. “The last thing I expected was…
Read MoreMayor Castor Video Game Announced for Playstation 5
As part of a new inclusive gaming agenda by Activision, the gaming studio behind the popular Call of Duty franchise has announced a new video game based on the life of Tampa Mayor Jane Castor. “I have been shot at,” said Mayor Castor who previously served as the chief of police for the City of…
Read MoreMayor Castor bans golf carts for all city employees
As the City of Tampa begins to search for a new chief of police in the wake of former chief Mary O’Connor’s resignation, Mayor Jane Castor is adding a stringent new guideline applying to all city employees. “No more golf carts,” she said. “No owning them, no riding in them, using them to play golf.…
Read MoreMayor Castor attends therapy session with Tampa City Council
Following a recent series of unpleasant confrontations between Tampa Mayor Jane Castor and members of the Tampa City Council, all parties involved have agreed to seek therapy in order to understand, and hopefully resolve, their differences. “It’s what the city needs and deserves, a leadership with a united front that communicates effectively and resolves internal…
Read MoreSunoco Gas Station Deli First Restaurant in Tampa to Earn Michelin Star
Thanks to a multimillion-dollar deal between the state tourism marketing agency Visit Florida, and The Michelin Group, restaurants in Tampa can now qualify to receive one of the world’s most coveted prizes. Founded in France by a bunch of dudes who were really picky about cheese, Michelin stars have become the best way for restaurants…
Read MoreTampa Police Department announces plan to choose new chief
Following Monday’s announcement that Tampa Police Chief Brian Dugan is retiring effective September 10th, the department is moving forward with plans to appoint someone new to that position. “It’s a serious job, with a lot of very important responsibilities, especially these days”, said Tampa Mayor Jane Castor. “But there’s no reason why we can’t have…
Read MoreJane Castor is the one-woman show behind the City of Tampa’s hellishly paced firework show
Jane Castor was a one woman show last night at Tampa’s “Boom By the Bay” Fourth of July firework show. The mayor manned the Hillsborough River barge all on her own. All the pyrotechnic folks were said to have “called off because they wanted to watch the show.” The City of Tampa’s firework spectacular started…
Read MoreMan matches with Jane Castor on Tinder
Jack Kringsley, a 42-year-old Hillsborough resident, claims that he matched with Tampa Mayor, Jane Castor on Tinder and has photo evidence to prove it. “She super liked me!” Kringsley said. “I had boosted my profile on a Tuesday morning, and within 15 minutes, former police chief/current Tampa Mayor, Jane Castor had matched with me! We…
Read MoreTampa Officially Renames Cuban Sandwich ‘The Tom Brady Meat Sandwich’
Following a decisive victory at Sunday’s Super Bowl, Tampa Mayor Jane Castor announced that the famous Tampa Cuban Sandwich will officially be named ‘The Tom Brady Meat Sandwich’. “We want to commemorate this momentous occasion by making some changes to the Cuban Sandwich,” said Mayor Castor during a press conference at Café Hey, a small…
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