Posts Tagged ‘Marco Rubio’
Marco Rubio Top Disseminator of Gay Erotica
In an attempt to shame a group of people for being recognized by the LA Dodgers, Marco Rubio has accidentally become the top disseminator of gay erotica on social media. “It’s disgusting seeing what the MLB glorifies these days,” said Florida Senator, Marco Rubio. “Someone sent me the full performance of these mostly naked guys…
Read MoreMarco Rubio Recognized as Best New Career Politician
With his third term reelection looking more likely, Florida Senator Marco Rubio has officially been recognized as Tampa News Force’s best new ‘Career Politician’. The First Annual Tampa News Force Community Awards Gala recognized some of the best politicians in Florida and all the great things they do for Tampa. The event occurred at the…
Read MoreMarco Rubio to become a pedophile so that people will talk about him
In an effort to become more relevant within his party and generate much needed media attention, Florida Senator Marco Rubio has announced that he is a pedophile. “I love fucking kids,” said Rubio to thunderous applause from the GOP base he so desperately wants to be accepted by. “Whenever I see a child, I get…
Read MoreMonument to Florida’s greatest public servants proposed for Tampa
A new monument that will honor some of Florida’s most renowned elected officials has been planned for a mountain in Tampa. Renowned sculptor Stoney Facewall says he will carve larger-than-life facial images of Rick Scott, Ron DeSantis, Matt Gaetz and Marco Rubio into the side of one of Tampa’s mountains, making the sculpture visible for…
Read More7-year-old experiencing existential crisis over future presidential prospects
7-year-old Amanda Mercer, a 2nd grade student at Azalea Elementary School in St. Petersburg is feeling extremely apprehensive about her future due to who may eventually become President of the United States during her lifetime. “It’s entirely possible that Rick Scott and Ron DeSantis could both serve two terms in the White House during my…
Read MoreMarco Rubio Praises Concentration Camp Bathrooms
Florida Detention Center – Hillsborough County – 7.13.19 During a recent tour of a for-profit facility that houses detained migrant children, Florida Senator Marco Rubio praised the facilities bathroom. “After hearing about the awful conditions these children have been kept in, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about,” Rubio said while sipping…
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