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Trump endorses Clearwater pizzeria

Former or current President of the United States Donald Trump has offered his enthusiastic support of Sonny’s Pizza, a small pizza and subs shop in Clearwater. “He approached us, not vice-versa, which is wild,” said owner Tim “Sonny” Schwartz. “Apparently he called lots of pizza places in Florida before reaching us. I guess we got…

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Grady Judd takes side gig delivering pizza

Pasco County Sheriff Grady Judd has taken on a part-time job as a delivery person for the newly opened Jerry’s Pizza on 19 in New Port Richey. “After Andrew Tate and his brother were arrested in Romania when he released a video of himself enjoying some Jerry’s Pizza in response to a battle with a…

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New Concept Restaurant Seeks to Train Child Soldiers

PizzaPistols

A new concept restaurant with a shooting range hopes to engage the next generation of second amendment rights activist. “We want to be the Chuck E Cheese of guns,” said Barbie Bellie, founder of Pistol Planet. “In our restaurant we want children to hold a gun in one hand and a slice of pizza in…

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Tampa man doesn’t trust pizza

Suspicious pizza

Craig Guiles of Tampa is among a very small minority of people who don’t like pizza. “It’s not that I don’t like it; it’s delicious”, he said. “But I don’t trust it and that makes me not like it. Of course it’s delicious; that’s how they get you.” “Sure, it tastes good. The easiest way…

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Pizza box model cancels himself

Mark Arcidiaco of Tarpon Springs is the premiere pizza box model in the world, but recently he’s decided to abandon his career out of concern that he has been causing harm to Italian-Americans. “I’ve appeared on pizza boxes all over North America. From Edmonton, Alberta, to Key West, Florida, from Wallagrass, Maine to San Diego,…

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Congress authorizes Pizza Party stimulus package for essential workers

Pizza Mitch

After a daunting 9 month wait and just in time for Christmas, Congress has passed another landmark stimulus package aimed at lessening Covid-19’s blow to the middle class. The “Pizza Party Entitlement act” (or PPE act for short) provides vouchers for 2 free slices to be given to frontline/essential workers, available to be used at…

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