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MLB installs Bitch Clock at Tropicana Field

Bitch Clock

Major League Baseball (MLB) is implementing a number of changes for the 2023 season, including rule changes, larger bases and a clock that will limit time taken between pitches. One of these changes will be specific to Tampa Bay Rays games at Tropicana Field. In order to facilitate complaints about the much-maligned domed home stadium…

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Dumb-ass idea dies deservedly

Rays Sternberg

The Tampa Bay Rays proposal to share the financially beleaguered Major League Baseball (MLB) franchise with the city of Montreal, a concept the organization has been committed to for years, has been officially squashed by Major League Baseball’s executive council. “We didn’t step in sooner because we had no idea that this was something being…

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Brandon resident kind of confused by popular new catchphrase

Phillip McGooley of Brandon does not understand the meaning behind a catchphrase that has become increasingly popular lately, nor how he’s expected to respond to it. “I get that it’s a positive thing, meant to show support for or perhaps inspire Brandon”, he said. “And that’s great. But are they talking about the town where…

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Rays trade Wander Franco to Red Sox

Blockbuster Trade

In a stunning late-season development, the Tampa Bay Rays have traded shortstop Wander Franco, their brightest up-and-coming star player to their interdivision rivals the Boston Red Sox in exchange for the frozen head of deceased Hall of Famer Ted Williams. “As an organization with unique revenue challenges to overcome, our focus is always going to…

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Rays sign Kevin Kiermaier’s eyes to long-term deal

Kiermaier

The Tampa Bay Rays have signed the dreamy blue eyes of veteran outfielder Kevin Kiermaier to a contract that will keep his beguiling peepers with the Rays organization through 2071, 48 years after his current contract to play baseball expires. “Kevin has been an integral part of our success over the years and we hope…

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