Posts Tagged ‘Rays Baseball’
Dumb-ass idea dies deservedly
The Tampa Bay Rays proposal to share the financially beleaguered Major League Baseball (MLB) franchise with the city of Montreal, a concept the organization has been committed to for years, has been officially squashed by Major League Baseball’s executive council. “We didn’t step in sooner because we had no idea that this was something being…
Read MoreBrandon resident kind of confused by popular new catchphrase
Phillip McGooley of Brandon does not understand the meaning behind a catchphrase that has become increasingly popular lately, nor how he’s expected to respond to it. “I get that it’s a positive thing, meant to show support for or perhaps inspire Brandon”, he said. “And that’s great. But are they talking about the town where…
Read MoreRed Tide Raises Rays
Following the Rays clinching the American League East Division for the second consecutive season while compiling the best regular season record in the franchise’s 23-year history, with 100 wins for the first time, many are wondering how such a thing could possibly happen, considering that the team was thought to be significantly weaker after losing…
Read MoreRays trade Wander Franco to Red Sox
In a stunning late-season development, the Tampa Bay Rays have traded shortstop Wander Franco, their brightest up-and-coming star player to their interdivision rivals the Boston Red Sox in exchange for the frozen head of deceased Hall of Famer Ted Williams. “As an organization with unique revenue challenges to overcome, our focus is always going to…
Read MoreRays sign Kevin Kiermaier’s eyes to long-term deal
The Tampa Bay Rays have signed the dreamy blue eyes of veteran outfielder Kevin Kiermaier to a contract that will keep his beguiling peepers with the Rays organization through 2071, 48 years after his current contract to play baseball expires. “Kevin has been an integral part of our success over the years and we hope…
Read MoreMan Wearing Rays Hat Surprised to Learn They Are Doing Well
While out getting drunk for his best friend’s birthday, a Tampa man was recently surprised to learn that the Tampa Bay Rays are doing well this season. “Honestly I don’t even know how I ended up owning this hat,” said Fabio Sukiyo, a 32-year-old man from Seffner. “I haven’t watched baseball in over 10 years,…
Read MoreRays outfielder offends certain Rays fans
Tampa Bay Rays outfielder Brett Phillips on and off-field antics have rankled a segment of loyal fans. “He’s obviously enjoying himself, just having the time of his life. And it’s all the time,” said longtime fan Hub Shitler of St. Petersburg. “That’s downright disrespectful to those of us who have made a tradition of being…
Read MoreRays begin 2021 season with fewer excuses for fans to dislike them
The Tampa Bay Rays begin the 2021 season tomorrow with an afternoon game in Miami against the Marlins, coming off a successful 2020 campaign that has made it more difficult for their fans to find things to complain about. “I’ve been bitching about the Rays since they announced the original team name of ‘Devil Rays’…
Read MoreTampa Bay Rays to Trade Blake Snell for World-Renowned Belly Itcher
In a startling turn of events, the management of the Tampa Bay Rays has decided to trade away their star pitcher from last season, Blake Snell, 28. In return, fans can expect to see a new starting player, Mikey O’Leary, a wily upstart from an unnamed farm team out of Dubuque, Iowa. When asked if…
Read MoreRays also lose World Series in parallel universe
The Tampa Bay Rays lost 3-1 to the Brooklyn Dodgers in Game 6 of the alternate 2020 World Series, ending their bid for an otherworld championship in Blixxarp-7, a hypothetical self-contained plane of existence, co-existing with our own. In Blixxarp-7, events and objects closely mirror those that we consider to be reality in this dimension,…
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