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Man Wearing Rays Hat Surprised to Learn They Are Doing Well

Rays hat

While out getting drunk for his best friend’s birthday, a Tampa man was recently surprised to learn that the Tampa Bay Rays are doing well this season. “Honestly I don’t even know how I ended up owning this hat,” said Fabio Sukiyo, a 32-year-old man from Seffner.  “I haven’t watched baseball in over 10 years,…

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Rays outfielder offends certain Rays fans

Brett Phillips

Tampa Bay Rays outfielder Brett Phillips on and off-field antics have rankled a segment of loyal fans. “He’s obviously enjoying himself, just having the time of his life. And it’s all the time,” said longtime fan Hub Shitler of St. Petersburg. “That’s downright disrespectful to those of us who have made a tradition of being…

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Rays also lose World Series in parallel universe

Parallel Universe Kevin Cash

The Tampa Bay Rays lost 3-1 to the Brooklyn Dodgers in Game 6 of the alternate 2020 World Series, ending their bid for an otherworld championship in Blixxarp-7, a hypothetical self-contained plane of existence, co-existing with our own. In Blixxarp-7, events and objects closely mirror those that we consider to be reality in this dimension,…

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Kevin Cash admits why he removed Blake Snell from the World Series

Kevin Cash brainfart

Tampa Bay Rays manager Kevin Cash finally admitted why he removed starting pitcher Blake Snell after giving up just two hits through five and a third innings in the ultimately decisive Game 6 of the World Series against the eventual champions, the Los Angeles Dodgers. Cash said, “I misunderstood the format of the World Series.…

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Rays manager Kevin Cash ruins everyone’s life

The Los Angeles Dodgers beat the Tampa Bay Rays 3-1 in Game 6 of the 2020 World Series in Arlington, Texas, to win their first championship since 1988 and depriving the Tampa Bay region of their first sports championship since September. All because Rays manager Kevin Cash pulled starting pitcher Blake Snell after five and…

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TNF 2020 World Series preview: Rays-Dodgers

2020 World Series: Rays-Dodgers

The 2020 World Series between the Tampa Bay Rays and Los Angeles Dodgers begins tonight at 8:09pm, with all games scheduled to be played at the home of the Texas Rangers, Globe Life Park in Arlington, Texas, due to COVID-19, making this the first World Series in history to be played at a neutral site.…

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Stingray that killed Steve Irwin gets job at Stingray Chevrolet

Stingray Chevrolet

The giant stingray that killed Steve Irwin, the beloved Australian zookeeper, television personality, wildlife expert, environmentalist, and conservationist has been hired as a sales associate at Stingray Chevrolet in Plant City. The cartilaginous fish known scientifically as “Myliobatoidei” was wearing a nametag reading “Norman” and talked to Tampa News Force on his first day at…

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Tampa Bay Area Yankees fans begin annual transition

The Tampa Bay Rays beat the New York Yankees 2-1 Friday night in San Diego to advance to the American League Championship where they’ll face the Houston Astros. The game was tied 1-1 until Mike Brosseau hit a solo home run off cheap-shot artist, wife beater and certified all-around shithead Aroldis Chapman in the bottom…

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