Skip to content

DeSantis wins no-blink challenge on technicality

No Blink Challenge

The latest skirmish between Florida senator and former governor Rick Scott and his successor Ron DeSantis has culminated in a skills contest that was won by DeSantis, due to Scott being disqualified. The two men have a history of verbally sniping at one another in the press over issues ranging from the opening of the…

Read More

Rick Scott Gives His Two Weeks Notice, Leaving Senate

Rick Scott quits the Senate

Citing the passage of a socialist inspired bill that will provide poor Americans assistance during the current crisis, Florida Senator Rick Scott has put in his two weeks notice and is leaving the U.S. Senate. “I can’t in good conscious support the communist socialist agenda being touted by President Donald Trump,” said Scott, who made…

Read More

What would Rick Scott look like with hair?

Rick Scott with Hair

If you search on Google for pictures of “Young Rick Scott” you will find no evidence that this Florida Senator existed before the year 2010. There are 99 other Senators in the United States Government. Each one of these elected officials has some sort of picture of them online when they were younger. We at…

Read More

Rick Scott Voted Sexiest Politician of 2019 at C-SPAN Awards

Unverified rumor claims Rick Scott was secretly born a woman

In a landslide victory which many are calling a pay-to-play contest, Florida Senator Rick Scott was declared the ‘Sexiest Politician’ at this year’s C-SPAN Awards. “It was an honor to be nominated, and an even bigger honor to win,” said Scott while accepting the award, speaking mostly to a crowd of aides for front runners…

Read More

Rick Scott Prays for Hurricane to Drown all the Poor People

Rick Scott prays for hurricane to drown all the poor people in Florida

Florida Senator Rick Scott spent much of the past few days praying for the upcoming Hurricane Dorian to gather enough strength and drown every poor person in its path. “As governor of Florida, I made sure every poor person worked even harder than they had to if they wanted the dollars,” said Senator Scott, still…

Read More

Rick Scott Finds Happiness Outside of Wealth

Rick Scott finds happiness outside of money

Rick Scott Tampa Office – Hillsborough County – Friday, 7.26.19 After a recent hard knock to the head, Senator Rick Scott has decided there is more to life than having immeasurable wealth. “I found happiness through defrauding taxpayers with a Medicaid scam that made me a millionaire,” said Scott who used his fraud money to…

Read More

Rick Scott Successfully Orders Burrito in Spanish at Chipotle

Rick Scott in line at the Chipotle trying to order a burrito in Spanish

USF-Area Chiptole – Hillsborough County – Sunday, 7.7.19 In an effort to connect with young hispanic voters, Senator Rick Scott showed off his Spanish speaking ability at the University of South Florida-area Chipotle during his, “Let’s Work But Not Be Paid Enough to Live” voter engagement tour. Dozens of supporters crowded the popular Chipotle location…

Read More

New Records Unveil Rick Scott is an Illegal Alien

Rick Scott is discovered to be an actual Illegal Alien

Tampa History Center – Hillsborough County – Tuesday, 6.25.19 While doing routine cleaning of an artifacts display, a Tampa History Center employee was possessed by an ancient spirit that escaped from a broken vase. The ancient spirit granted the employee, Jake Boogie, the knowledge necessary to read and translate the symbols hidden in the artifacts…

Read More