Posts Tagged ‘st. petersburg’
St. Pete bookstore must expand again
How many more books need to be banned đź“š
Read MoreSt. Pete man ready to start being afraid of children
Grant Ligwitz of St. Petersburg has come to the realization that he might be at the point in his life where he should start being afraid of children. “I’m not old by any means, but I’m also not getting any younger,” he said. “I’m 38!” He said the idea occurred to him on a recent…
Read MoreSt. Pete man assaulted for misidentifying dog
Pete Wieters of St. Petersburg was punched in the face yesterday for misidentifying the breed of a woman’s dog. “She had a really cute dog and all I did was ask her if it was a Frenchy, a French Bulldog,” he said. “Next thing I know, she clocks me.” “I get that all the time…
Read MoreSt. Pete woman’s independent survey yields somewhat surprising results
Laura Floon of St. Petersburg recently conducted an informal survey finding that 82% of single men who go on dates with her have “Pod-casts” they “Really want to focus on”. “It’s amazing, really. I expected the number to be high but that’s ridiculous,” she said. “Has there ever been anything that universally popular with that…
Read MoreMan regales local bar patrons with crazy story: “I could have beaten DeSantis”
A stranger wandered into a bar in St. Petersburg last night and proceeded to entertain patrons with a wild tall tale. “I don’t know who that dude is, but he’s hilarious,” said Todd Filbert, who happened to be among the small crowd at Stankbooty’s Taproom on Central Avenue. “He was really telling some whoppers!” The…
Read MoreSt. Pete man glad that grooming is now frowned upon
Rich Glombcroft of St. Petersburg is relieved that most people take a dim view of grooming now days. “I’ve been telling people for years that brushing your teeth, clipping your toenails and washing your hair as well as your whole body is not only a waste of time but a crime against nature,” said Glombcroft…
Read MoreSt. Pete man can’t believe it’s been 10 years since thing that he believes never happened, happened
Clelbert Whiggins of St. Petersburg can’t believe an entire decade has passed since an incident he refuses to acknowledge ever took place, totally took place. “Wow, 10 whole years! Really? It seems like only yesterday that crisis actors, the Jews who own the media and the government all conspired to attempt a huge hoax designed…
Read MoreSt. Pete man hung up on ethnic origin of Fibonacci sequence
Ted Henderson, a student majoring in Economics at Eckerd College in St. Petersburg was recently thrown off track by something that came up in one of his classes and he has not been able to resolve it or move on from it. “I just don’t know what to think,” he said. “This changes everything.” The…
Read MoreSt. Pete seafood restaurant lists all menu items at “flea market price”
Robert “Bob” Smidsworth, owner and manager of Scuttler’s Seafood & Good Times Crabateria in St. Peterburg has announced that from now on, all the entrees on their menu will be listed as ‘flea market price.’ “Listing items at ‘market price’ is a fairly common practice at seafood restaurants,” he said. “It means the price of…
Read MoreSt. Pete man’s correct usage of current slang annoys granddaughter
16-year-old Megyn Morton of St. Petersburg finds herself in an almost constant state of aggravation because of her grandfather Henry “Hank” Morton’s accurate usage of currently relevant slang terminology. “About a month ago, my parents bought him an iPhone 13, which is newer than my iPhone 10, by the way,” she said. “The idea was…
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