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Local babies protest gigantic headbands

Baby Bows

A tightly organized coalition of babies who were all born at Tampa General Hospital are protesting head bands with bows and flowers that are being placed on their heads against their will. “CIS Female babies. Get it right”, said Amanda, the lady baby leader. “Males aren’t being subjected to this degradation and oppression. So typical.”…

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Tom Brady Fulfills Child’s Dream of Beating Him with a Bat

Tom Brady allows child to beat him up with a bat

During one of his many unmasked visits to a local children’s hospital, Tom Brady surprised a sick seven-year-old boy by fulfilling his wish of beating the Tampa Bay Buccaneers star quarterback with an aluminum bat. “I was all out of footballs and he wanted me to sign his bat,” said a bruised-up Brady.  The seven-time…

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First baby to be named ‘Covid’ born in Tampa

Baby born at TGH

A child recently born at Tampa General Hospital (TGH) is believed to be the first named ‘Covid’, after the disease caused by the new coronavirus that emerged in China in December 2019 which has caused a worldwide pandemic. “Look, somebody was gonna do it. Might as well be me! I mean, us. Me and the…

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Ron DeSantis officially dumber than a bag of rocks

The Scales of Dumbness

This past week, Florida governor, Ron DeSantis announced an executive order allowing restaurants and bars to return to 100% capacity. All businesses previously closed due to the pandemic are permitted to reopen. As of the publishing of this article, over 14,000 Floridians have died of COVID-19. Additionally, in the last seven days, almost 16,000 people…

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Uber Eats driver is most trusted healthcare professional in Tampa Bay

A recent poll of consumer satisfaction trends indicates that Ryan Milger, a delivery driver for Uber Eats, is considered the most trustworthy healthcare professional in the Tampa Bay region. “You can’t trust doctors and nurses these days,” says Beverly Rimsworth of Dunedin. “Doctors make money from people being classified as being sick. Food delivery drivers…

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Special Promotion Places Hard Rock Casino Slot Machines in Hospital Rooms

Tampa General Hospital – Hillsborough County – Wednesday, 2.13.2019 A uniquely different promotion is currently underway at Tampa General Hospital, as the Seminole Hard Rock Casino has sponsored the temporary placement of slot machines in hospital bedrooms. Patients will now have 24/7 access to slot machines from the touch of their hand. Large casino-grade machines…

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